thoughts on thursday

attending a dance party  the other night really reminded me how much i love dance parties. it has been way too long since i've danced with such abandon :) one of the downsides to my sugarhouse life is that there aren't nearly enough dance parties. like, zero, that i know of. dance parties are great, people.

attending a dance party the other night also reminded me why i love provo. so many of my good friends are there, people that i don't see all the time but that really know me. it was good to be back adn have one of those classic provo nights, where you are surrounded by fun people and just living the twentysomething life.

i'm getting worried that being at work is actually making me sick. i feel fine when i'm at home and the first hour or two at work, but then i just start feeling gross--feverish, headachy, weak, dizzy. what the heck? probably what this means is that i just need to go to the doctor and get a real diagnosis for a real problem, but that's a little scarier than thinking that my job is slowly killing me :) so maybe one of these days i'll make it to a qualified physician's office and find out what's really wrong with me.

i started getting birchbox last month, and it's pretty cool so far. each month they send you samples of various beauty and health products to try. then if you want to buy the full-size version, you can find it on the website. i don't plan on buying a ton of the full-size products, because some of them are definitely higher end than i need, but it's fun trying out new products. this month i got a mini nail polish, black eyeliner, and a delish granola bar with maple syrup and pumpkin seeds. awesome, right?


a couple weeks ago, i bought if you wait, london grammar's debut album. i'm OBSESSED with it. wikipedia describes it as "trip-hop", which is kind of amazing, and it is that type of hard-to-define music that is also really beautiful and catchy. give it a listen, if you are so inclined.

and there you have it! thoughts that mean mostly nothing :)

hasn't quite hit me yet

tonight, meredith and i were driving all around town looking at places for her to possibly live in the fall. as we approached our block, nearing the provo city library, i commented that i haven't gone on nearly enough provo walks this summer. and as the words came out of my mouth, my throat closed up and my eyes welled up. and then, realizing how ridiculous it is to cry about provo walks, i started laughing. but by then i was really crying, which made me laugh even harder, and the whole thing was    very perplexing to everyone involved. which basically sums up my relationship with this crazy town.

i'm out of here at the end of this week, but it might be harder to say goodbye to provo than i thought.

a full fourth

this year, the holiday was dedicated to spending time with family and generally having a lot of fun. we went to the north salt lake fireworks extravaganza, like always, and they were amazing. a little girl in our ward, and one of mom's best friends, ruby, sat by me during the fireworks show, which made it all even more entertaining :) can we add some kids to our family already or what?

on the morning of the fourth, we crawled out of bed for the annual foxhill ward fourth of july breakfast. the food was plentiful, and we had a beesley family first when five of us, everyone minus dad, performed the star spangled banner. i think this could be the beginning of a wonderful and successful career for the star spangled beesleys.

that night, we headed down to provo for the stadium of fire. how we convinced dad to get us tickets for that, i still don't know, but it was awesome. sure, it was hot, and we were packed into the bleachers like shoes in my suitcase, but we still had fun. at least, i did. as the concert approached, i started to get more and more excited to see kelly clarkson. i don't consider myself to be a huge kelly fan, but i realized, in the days leading up to the show, that i know a lot of her songs, and most of them i actually really like. so her set was pretty great--i knew every song, and she even played this duet, originally sung with jason aldean, that we are obsessed with.

 

 she was so good, singing her heart out. it was altogether great. i would definitely see her again, and even though it took us about an hour to get out of the parking lot (and even though we had talked about ways to avoid all of that...), i would totally go to stadium of fire again, depending on the performer.

and that was my fourth! happy birthday, america!

five senses: provo walk

smell: laundry+roses
feel: cooling evening breeze mixed with the last of the afternoon sun, bumpy bark at my back
taste: tepid drinking fountain water
hear: star-spangled banner, kid giggles, sprinklers, remix to ignition, linkin park-esque music played by an old man in an old red chevy truck
see: bounce house at joaquin park, red and pink and orange roses, garden rows, long lost pirate ship, old friends white picket fence and clothesline dryer

loving right now

--laughing so hard with my sisters that i can't breathe
--sunshine, particularly of the seven peaks variety
--movie nights
--glitter glitter everywhere
--quesadillas with homemade guacamole
--"national" "days", like water a flower day or national hamburger day. up next: national rocky road day.
--listening to taylor swift non-stop
--doctor who. can't believe it took me so long to get back into it, and that now i have to wait until series 7 comes on netflix.

summertime. gotta love it.

summer of fun/love 2013

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this is going to be my last summer in provo, so i've got to make it count. and, berg is living with us, so we should be able to have some fun.

• have picnics. 
• outdoor movies.
• concerts concerts concerts. from taylor swift to the rooftop to stadium of fire to the twilight, this summer should be filled with some pretty good live shows.
• camping.
• boating.
• ride front runner to salt lake.
• seattle trip.
• lots and lots of smores.
• have parties/celebrate life.
• road trip at least one more time.
• use the pass of all passes to its fullest potential. 
• get a tan.
• write something worthwhile.
• bbq.
• dance like no one is watching. 

this is all i can think of right now. anything i should add?

(it's pretty much the best to google random phrases like "summer fun" and just see what images come up. you just have to make sure your search terms aren't scandalous :))

the end of the office (may contain spoilers)

 

well, it's done. the office is over. i don't know what to do with myself.

the finale itself was perfect, for me. i laughed, i cried, i screamed--it was perfect. i loved seeing how all of the stories were wrapped up, how the characters have progressed. i didn't want the episode to end, but, if it had to, they did it in such a perfect way.

i jumped out of my seat and shrieked when michael came back, which meant i missed the "that's what she said" until the next morning when i was looking up recaps.

this was one of my favorite quotes from a review from vulture, and i think it sums up my feelings about the office in general pretty well:

In fact, these two [final] episodes were so consistently fine — goofy, clever, surprising, and unaffectedly emotional — that they reinforced the notion that the relationship between a show and a viewer really is a relationship, or at least a self-contained, virtual version of a relationship. There are great times, okay times, and bad times. Sometimes you’re more attentive or affectionate or otherwise invested than other times.  Sometimes you check out emotionally, or give up, then sort of wander back into it for whatever reason and start caring again — really caring, to the point where you feel a bit guilty for not having appreciated its better qualities during the hard times. But if the relationship is fundamentally sound — if, for the most part, it’s making you happy, or at least content — then you consider it time well-spent and become increasingly sad when an irrevocable end draws near. “It’s like a long book that you never want to end, and you’re fine with that, because you just never, ever want to leave it,” Pam told the audience at the panel discussion during last night’s finale. (from matt zoller seitz of vulture)

it's hard to even think about how much i'm going to miss these characters and this universe. it sounds stupid that a tv show has affected me so much, but it's true. and i can't imagine loving any other show more than this one. thanks, office staff: writers, creators, cast. it was great for me. {insert joke here}

today i...

turned in two papers, early, i might add. i was in the zone, thankfully.

got back together with the library. we've been off basically all semester, but the library was good to me today.

watched the "goodbye michael" episode of the office and remembered how incredibly good it was. i cried, sitting in my little carrel, and i thought about how much i'm sure i will cry during the series finale in a few weeks.

wore a neon shirt and loved it.

watched a sweet mormon message about living up to our privileges. (i made a goal to watch a talk every day--when i don't have time for a talk, it's a mormon message.)

went to chipotle for dinner. in sandy. we really need one of those down here.

for a day that i thought would be spent entirely in the library stressing over papers, this one turned out to be pretty good.

things i will miss about the provo smith's

• a wide variety of hairstyles and other head-coverings
• running into (or sometimes avoiding) people you know literally every time you go in, which is usually between 9pm and midnight
• people in their pajamas 
• so many self-checkout stations!
• chocolate milk always being sold out--just kidding, i won't miss that.
• mini carts that are the perfect size for a college student buying a random array of groceries because smith's is convenient, not affordable
• aisle signs in english and spanish

smith's in an all-around entertaining provo hangout, especially the closer you get to midnight. what will i do when i leave?

recent weird things

1. i keep a grateful journal, where, everyday, i write down five things i'm grateful for that day. for the most part, they are pretty standard: my family, interaction with that boy i like, a good hair day, some great meal, the scriptures. you know, the ushe (i looked this up--how do you spell the abbreviation of "usual"? i was going to write "youge" pronounced like "rouge," but then it looked weird. so that's that.).

as i was rereading my journal at the end of the year, i found this entry for november 13, 2012:

6. studying about the hot air balloon.

?????????????????????????????????????????????? i have no idea what this means. i don't recall studying the hot air balloon, ever, and i don't think i could tell you one fact about them that i didn't know four months ago. i can't think of a fact about hot air balloons as it is. but it's written in my handwriting, so either that part of my brain was somehow surgically removed, or i'm a sleep-writer, which is actually pretty likely.

2. a couple weeks ago, either right before or right after the oscars, i had a dream that daniel day-lewis was my professor for a british lit class at byu. it was totally awesome, obviously, but even more awesome because he really liked me. at the end of class, he asked me if i was taking his class the next semester, but i didn't know for sure, because i was supposed to be graduating and defending my thesis (that figures prominently into my subconscious, typically). he said, well, i hope you do take my class, because i'm a fan. so, dream-daniel day-lewis is a fan of me. i told one of my friends this and he said, well, why wouldn't he be?

3. on monday, i was driving to zumba, and i was passing the brick oven, when all of a sudden, this guy was darting in and out of traffic, like, in the way. he almost got hit. i could see that he was a brick oven employee, and he was crossing the street to the employee parking lot. well, i look at his face as he darts in front of me, and it's someone i know--a former home teacher who has the distinction of being one of the most awkward people i have ever met. and then i started laughing hysterically, because if anyone would frantically run across the street in front of a bunch of cars, it would be this guy.

okay, that's about all i can think of right now, that is, aside from the many weird facts that i have already shared here previously.

and, because i didn't have a blog when i was a sophomore in college (how i wish i had), here's a pic of me acting like i didn't have eyebrows. throwback wednesday, if you will.

i was so young then.

thoughts on saturday

first of all, it's 45 degrees right now. whenever i write "degrees," i always want to say "dees-grees," like rick dees, the legendary dj, because i used to listen to "rick dees and the weekly top 40" on kiis fm every saturday when i was growing up. those were the days. but i digress. this time of the year is one of my favorites, when it is just starting to warm up and you don't have to wear a coat but it is still breezy and a little chilly so you aren't sweaty and hot. probably it will get cold again before spring really hits, but i'm going with the sun for now.

last night, i went to smith's for some provisions (read: cpk pizza and trix cereal). the provo smith's on a weekend night is always an adventure. as i was walking out, a girl and a guy were walking in. the girl veered toward me and said, "oh, your hair is so thick. it's so pretty." and then walked away. it was really weird and really funny at the same time.

this is a cool essay, because 1) the author ghost-wrote a ton of Sweet Valley High books, which, how awesome is that? and 2) she captures exactly how i feel about graduate school sometimes all the time:

How different were any of us, despite our attenuated lives as graduate students, from anybody else? The darkest of dark secrets: how much I hadn’t read, and didn’t know. How little I felt I had to say that was different, or new, or mattered.
Your task, my thesis advisor in Oxford told my tutorial partner and me, is to be original. Your thesis won’t pass otherwise.
I haunted the bookshops, certain my argument had already been written. Afraid to ask him: is original the same thing as different? As important, or relevant, or even good?

people should watch alias. it's so great. i just finished the fourth season, and i think it might be my favorite. and jennifer garner is awesome, you guys. i'm grateful argo was nominated for stuff this year, only because it meant jennifer garner went places looking amazing.

see what i mean?

and, finally, we heard this song at the cougarettes concert and we've been obsessed with it since then. when i saw the show the second time, i decided the dance to this song was my favorite. (couldn't get the real video to play, so you have to look at teen wolf, apparently.)

have a great weekend!

days of my life

so, nothing super momentous happened on my birthday. i forgot about my birth moment while we were at dinner, i just stayed home and watched a movie after dinner and dessert, and no party or anything, which was kind of how i was feeling. it was a good day, though. it made me think (again, just two months after the new year) about the things i want to do better at 25.

birthday dinner at bombay house. always delicious and always a good time.

i've had a cold building for weeks now. it hasn't been too bad, just enough to keep my energy level a little bit lower than usual. but yesterday (the day after my birthday, luckily), the real cold hit. runny nose, stuffy nose (how can your nose be both runny AND stuffy? i don't get it.), slight fever, headache, sore throat, cough. so that's fun. i stocked up on day/nyquil and nasal spray (is nasal spray gross to other people? it's always been a staple in our house. also, am i feeling especially parenthetical today?) to get me through the weekend.

last night bergen, meredith, and i went to the cougarettes concert. i have loved the cougarettes for a long time, probably because they are so beautiful and i wish i had lovely dancing skills. my freshman year, i took a dance class, and one of the assignments was to go to a dance performance and write about it. so, naturally, i went to see the cougarettes perform, my first time seeing them outside of athletic events, where they are still awesome, but not quite as awesome. anyway, i was blown away. the dancing was so beautiful--there are pieces from that concert that i still remember. i've tried to go the concert every year since then, even if that means i have to go by myself because no one else can go with me. last night's concert was also amazing. so amazing, in fact, that i convinced mom to come down tomorrow night to see it with me again. lame? maybe. do i care? nosiree.

all in all, life is still pretty good. happy friday!

you know it's a good day when...

you walk to campus wearing (a skirt and no tights) + (a cardigan and no coat) + heels.

you eat leftover salmon for lunch.

your birthday is tomorrow.

your afternoon snack is frosted cheerios.

today is basically thursday because you only have one more day of class this week.

two years have flown by.

there's an extra episode of the bachelor on tonight.


it's a pretty good day.

although, i haven't had ice cream in a week and that is pretty much all i want as a birthday dessert. do i fudge for my birthday or stay strong? i'm in a quandary.

a grateful day

i don't know if it's the remnants of love day or what, but i'm feeling grateful today and thought i would put it out there.

i'm grateful for:
--my family--parents, sisters, brother
--sunshiny days in the winter when i can sit on the balcony and read
--the temple and smiling temple workers (and seeing former students in the confirmation room...only in provo)
--health insurance
--netflix
--relief society
--neighbors
--comfy couches
--hair bows
--zebra snuggie
--grilled cheese and tomato soup
--girl friends
--clean dishes and an empty sink
--the savior
--missionaries
--phone calls
--zumba
--warm coats
--new friends in dinner group (and dinner group itself :))
--the office
--blogging
--my talents
--sibling group texts
--all the things that make me laugh
--a car that works and has heat
--school/classes that are interesting
--loose curls
--good things to read
--the prophet
--good health
--the beautiful earth
--the internet
--provo, this wacky and awesome place to live

there are so many things i am grateful for. life is good!

ward talent show

tonight was our ward talent show. i haven't been to one of those for a couple semesters, and i forgot how thoroughly entertaining they are. some highlights: female roommates engaged in post-date breakdown, performed in true shakespearean fashion; a couple amazing hip-hop routines (one jazz-based, one tap-based); and, my personal favorite, one of those awesome upside-down-chin-singing acts, sung to a javert-valjean selection from les miserables. those things are always hilarious--bravo, dan and david.

i wanted to write about the talent show when i thought that a girl in our ward was going to get engaged right in front of our eyes. her roommates told her to come up on stage as their "special guest," then they went offstage for a second. instead of the roommates, though, her boyfriend came out, holding a guitar and wearing a tuxedo. oh man, we were thinking, this girl's getting engaged! he said some cute things to her and sang a really cute song, and all along we're like, this is leading to a proposal, right? i mean, if he doesn't propose at the end of this, i am going to be really bummed. and i was getting really anxious for her and a little teary because the song was pretty cute (although i think i would be horribly embarrassed/awkward in the same situation). the song ended...and it looked like he wanted to do something else.

but then they just stood up and kissed in front of all of us and that was it.

and we were like, huh? what just happened there?

so before the disappointment, when i still thought something awesome was going to happen, i was thinking to myself, this will be a sweet story for the blog, especially during love week. after the disappointment, i guess i still wanted to share it, since it still is a demonstration of love. and i'm sure someone else i know will get engaged this week :)

because it is love week, after all.

thoughts on saturday

i think my feet have shrunk over the past year or so. is that normal? i mean, it's not really a problem, but it's kind of weird, right?

who would have ever thought that i would watch, much less love, pretty little liars and the vampire diaries? i was a firm non-believer and facebooker-scorner. but, although they are pretty dumb sometimes, they are both actually pretty awesome, too. i mean, how do we still, after three seasons of pll, not know who A is (i've only seen up to the end of season 3 because hulu plus and abc family apparently don't like each other all that much)? and why is the vampire thing still happening, and i'm into it? and boone from lost is actually really hilarious and great?

i have a bunch of posts half-written because i haven't wanted to finish them because i know it's going to take a while. so...yeah.

this semester, all of my classes and work overlap. the things i'm learning about in my classes come up in my research, which is cool. too bad i can't really make a project out of all that, though.

it's almost valentine's day, which is one of my favorite holidays. more on that later.

i've used my all-sports pass more this year than i have any other year. men's volleyball=so awesome. have i said before that volleyball players have the most attractive physiques? they are tall and muscly, but not too muscly. anyway, that's all i have to say about that.

watch these: lincoln and lars and the real girl

i've been watching a lot of good movies lately, both old movies that i've been meaning to see forever and new movies that i knew i would love. these two each fit one of those categories.

last weekend, emily asked me if i wanted to see lincoln, and my answer was a resounding YES. i am a sucker for historical drama, and i'm especially fascinated by abraham lincoln, since i have realized that i really don't know much about him as a person. the movie was awesome, and now i'm obsessed with daniel day-lewis (if you want to know more about him and his process (which you do), read this great article from TIME.) his portayal of lincoln was thought-provoking and eye-opening. being the President in a time of peace would be hard enough; how impossible would it be during wartime, not to mention civil-wartime? all of the acting was great, with bonus joseph gordon-levitt, and lee pace of pushing daisies fame! obviously, les mis is amazing and groundbreaking in terms of movie musicals, but i'm all about lincoln and daniel day-lewis come oscar time.

we are still without a dvd player, so our home-movie-watching capabilities are limited to netflix these days. last night we decided to watch lars and the real girl. the premise is pretty wacky--lars (ryan gosling) is very socially awkward and lonely, so he buys a "real doll" who becomes his girlfriend. the reactions from his family and the town are hilarious, but even more endearing was how lars treated "bianca," a wheelchair-bound brazilian missionary. who makes up a girlfriend in a wheelchair? ryan gosling is great; he's adorable and lovable and you just want him to be able to make something happen with someone real.

so, those are my two new recommendations. see them as you will!

a sporting family

sometimes, i'm not in the mood for athletic events. i've been to a lot of games in my day, and there came a time last year where i was just tired of school spirit. but i find that it's pretty much back in full swing these days.

sporting events, for me, have never really been a friend thing. some people have huge groups that they get tickets with and camp out with for games. that's never been me. instead, games are a family thing. we all have tickets to everything--byu football and basketball--so it's basically family time.

last night, we went to the basketball game, all of us minus dad. carter, bergen, and i went about an hour and a half early so we could get decent seats in the student section, while mom and meredith sat in the (boring) (some say) season-ticket-holder seats. this is the time to be in the byu student section, people. now that things are revamped--you can call us the ROC...which stands for roar of cougars...yeah, i don't know--it's a pretty good time. carter ended up with a big foam board head of some guy from yo gabba gabba and we all had sweet balloons to wave when the opposing team was shooting free throws. dwight schrute was floating around, along with darth vader, tim tebow, and the fresh prince of bel air. we were dancing and singing and cheering and it was a good time.

i guess i will miss byu athletics when i eventually leave here. but the good thing is that i don't have to give up hanging out with my family :)

student/teaching

these past couple years one of my biggest challenges has been finding a good balance between being a successful student and a successful teacher. having my own classroom, albeit one where the rules and curriculum were created for me rather than by me, was amazing. i loved teaching writing 150 and interacting with students and figuring out who i am up in front of them. but, teaching is time-consuming. it's not as time-consuming once you've done it once or twice, but there are always things to worry about and tweak and grade. in the course of becoming a teacher, i forgot about myself as a student. i've taken a lot of graduate seminars, and they never seemed to really capture my interest like so any of my undergraduate english classes did. i felt dissatisfied with my coursework, so i started thinking of myself more as an instructor than as a student.

this semester, i'm not teaching. i guess i'm kinda sad about it, because, like i said, i love teaching, but this also means that i can remember what it means to be a student. i am determined to be the best student i can be this winter semester, my last at byu, my last as a student for what i hope will be a long while. it's easy to have good intentions at the beginning of the semester; this i know. but my primary job this time around is to be a student, and i want to excel in that job rather than just get by, like i have been for the rest of my graduate school experience. i'm pushing my cynicism aside and taking my education back into my own hands.

if anyone wants to reach me between now and april, i'll be in the library. and if i'm not in the library, you should probably steer me in that direction :)

why tyler walke is the most eligible man in the world

lately i've been thinking that tyler is somewhat under-appreciated around these parts. i don't know if people really know how great he is, though i have it on good authority that at least one person thinks the title statement is true. but anyway, i've taken it upon myself to be tyler's advocate, to be a voice for the voiceless. of course, i kid--tyler is not voiceless. anyone who has ever played any game with him knows that. but i'll make a handy dandy list anyway.

--speaking of handy, tyler can fix just about anything. items i know he has fixed either in our house or in others': shower head, garbage disposal, water heater, toilet, toaster. and i'm sure there are countless other things. he also chopped down a huge weed that was growing in front of our window and built us a sweet rope ladder, which he designed, to access our balcony.
--he is the oldest sibling, with four younger sisters, so you know he knows how to treat girls/women. and he really loves them, which is even better.
--he gets passionate about things. two words: glove game.
--he's a guy you can talk to about guys. obviously this is really only good if you aren't romantically interested in him (if you are romantically interested in him, you shouldn't be talking to him about other guys. that's just rude.). but, do you know what i mean? some guys you would never go to for advice because they...hmmm, how do i say...don't really get it, how guys and girls work. but tyler gets it, which typically means that he, with all of us, throws up his hands and trusts that things will work out how they are supposed to. tyler doesn't try to push his weird theories on you; he listens and tries to be helpful and considerate.

so, there's my list. tyler is great, and many are baffled as to why some lucky lady hasn't yet snatched him up.

see what i mean?