amen to that

i've thought a lot about this lately. i think the fairy tale ideal says that love is firecrackers--that it is so intense and explosive and quick-burning that there is nothing else you can think about. maybe for some people it is like this. but i also wonder if sometimes, while i am expecting this firework kind of love, i'm missing out on the soft, slow-burning stuff, the love that slowly and imperceptibly builds and builds, that is also actually really great, too. i wonder if i get caught up in the romantic comedy type of love and forget that that is not always reality.

on a somewhat related note, i was talking to someone the other day about (what else?) dating, and she said that she never expected to be the one that would have to chase the guy. having almost always been someone in that same position, i could relate. it wold be nice if the guy was chasing you and you knew for sure that he was all in it. but i've been thinking: does it really matter the details of the courtship/how things unfold as long as it all has the same result, meaning, for us young single adults, temple marriage? i have to believe that, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter whether it took you guys six months to actually start dating or whether you were more interested in him at first than he was in you or whether your first kiss was awkward or whatever. if the end is true, committed, deep love, i feel like it doesn't matter a whole lot how you got there. i think too much of my time is spent worrying about how the dating stuff happens, "the game", if you will, when i'm becoming less and less sure that that stuff is really of much consequence at all. i'm not sure if that last sentence made much sense, but i don't really care at this point. :)

so those are my thoughts on love for today. doesn't that soft love just sound really nice?

thankful 2012: day two

first, i'm really grateful that i have access to so many great things just when i'm sitting at home. this is not necessarily an "i'm-so-thankful-for-the-internet" thing, but it's pretty amazing that i can look up any conference talk or ensign article online and then either read, listen to, or watch that talk in literally seconds. and, whenever i want to know something, i can just look it up. it's awesome that so much knowledge is instantly accessible.

next, i'm grateful for good food. i've talked about this before--i love food. and my life would not be nearly as happy as it is now without yummy food. i am so grateful that i have enough to eat everyday and that i have so many options available to me. all my weird cravings can be satisfied :)

also, recent events have reminded me how grateful i am that i have the gift of the holy ghost and can receive revelation. i've had some decisions to make lately, and it is always amazing to me how answers come, sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes in ways that hurt a little, but i know that things happen for a reason and that Heavenly Father has a plan and knows what is best. and i am grateful that He lets me know those things when i am doing what i am supposed to be doing.

and i'm grateful for the missionaries. in light of the announcement about the change in mission age requirements, there has been a whole lot of talk about missionaries and missionary work. missions are hard! they aren't just fun 18-month or 2-year vacations. so i'm grateful for those who faithfully serve and sacrifice to spread the gospel and do the Lord's will. and i'm really grateful that missionaries are supposed to write home :)

and, i'm grateful for the temple. i get to study a little bit more about the temple this week, and i am grateful that there is one so close and that there are places on earth where we/i can go to be closer to God and feel peace and comfort.

until next time!

thoughts on tuesday

i think the recurring theme around these "thoughts on..." posts is that they always come out of the days when i am conferencing and therefore sitting around the carrels all day with random snatches of time and no real room for productivity. so, here are my thoughts from the carrels today.

i am obsessed with polka dotted clothes. whenever i am online window shopping and i come across anything polka dot, i have a serious internal debate over whether i should add that thing to my shopping cart or not. a couple weeks ago i bought two things from oldnavy.com--a polka dot chambray shirt and polka dot jeans. and today, these are what i wanted/still kinda really want to get from gap:

this is polka dotted--trust me. you can't really tell here.

those pants are seriously awesome. and i already have polka dot jeans! but i want all of the polka dots!

i am so glad it snowed on friday because that meant that i completely bypassed having to walk on campus in the snow, which is one of the things i most dislike in this world. winter, for me, is characterized by a constant fear of slipping on ice and breaking a leg or a tailbone. though i did have some sketchy moments at the football game on saturday, where the bleachers were almost entirely covered in snow, by the time i really had to walk on campus all the scary ice was gone.

i seriously love zumba. i can't wait until january when i can go two days a week again. i've really missed zumba tone.

a cute outfit and hair go a long way toward making a girl feel good about herself. they aren't the most important things, but they count for something.

i have been listening to the carpenters christmas since halloween and it is so awesome, people. and who wants to pitch in to help me record a christmas album?

okay, that's all i got right now. stay tuned for some more thankfuls.

another thing i love

i've been meaning to post this here just because i love it so much.

a neat rainbow of glitter. it's ridiculous how happy this makes me. well, happy wednesday!

an unfamiliar feeling

what is that unfamiliar feeling, you ask? well, for me lately, it's been productivity. and also excitement and motivation toward my thesis.

it's been a very long time since i have felt any of this, and it's pretty awesome. turns out it actually feels kinda good to put in a good solid day of work. and i'm sleeping better at night. win-win, you know.

"all my little peccadillos"

this weekend i watched good will hunting, without all the swears that i found out were in the movie when i was looking up quotes for this post. the editing made it a little choppy, though i am told that the cinematography is kinda choppy anyway.

but anyway. i liked the movie, especially some of its thoughts on love. i mean, when am i ever not thinking about love? so it makes sense that those parts of the movie stood out to me.

here's the gist: will (matt damon), a foster kid from the slums of boston, is a janitor at MIT who is secretly a genius. he catches the attention of a prominent mathematician who decides to mentor will in order to keep him out of prison. part of the deal is that will also has to meet with a counselor to work through some of his issues.

sean (robin williams), his therapist, comes from a similar background and is able to build trust with will. like i said, the best parts for me were those where sean and will talk about relationships. here's a discussion that i really like.

Sean: You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to. Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't wanna ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody...My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. [they laugh] Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" I'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...[cracks up] Oh [sheesh]... 
Will: [laughing hysterically] She woke herself up? 
Sean: [in hysterics himself] Yes!.... Oh [goodness]....aahhh, but, Will, she's been dead two years and that's the [stuff] I remember. [Will stops laughing] Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Oh, and she had the goods on me, too; she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they're not — aw that's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're findin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learn from an old [crazy] like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a [kid] like you.

first, apparently that first part was totally improvised by robin williams, so the hysterical laughter is legit, not just really good acting. but also, this is exactly what i believe about relationships. i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i want to be in a passionate relationship someday, the kind you see in romantic movies. but, i also know that that kind of passion doesn't necessarily define a marital relationship, especially after the first few years. then, the passion hopefully becomes something deeper, and that's something that i don't fully understand now. i think that initial spark is important, but what's maybe more important is the life you build together in the years to come. i think that's what sean is talking about here, partly. getting to know each other, quirks and imperfections and idiosyncrasies and all, and still being so in love, is what i want to get to.

and i love those bolded lines sosososososo much. none of us are perfect! but that's not the point; it's about being perfect for each other. man, i really love that. i know this is only a movie, but i really believe that's how it's supposed to work, how it can work.

so those are my thoughts on good will hunting, one of the movies to cross off on my list of must-sees. next up: finding forrester and a few good men.

thankful 2012: day one

i have so many things to be thankful for, so here's the first part of the list (which will by no means be comprehensive). but, i am going to at least start off with some of the important things.

first, i am so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. so much of the happiness i feel in my life comes from this knowledge.

second, i'm thankful for my family. it's pretty awesome that we can all just sit around talking for like two hours and have more fun than we would in pretty much any other way. seriously, though. when my dad told us we were going to california over thanksgiving this year, i was most excited (i mean, after thinking about the joy of disneyland) about sharing a hotel room with my siblings. it's going to be a blast staying up late and making prank calls :)

third, i'm thankful for my education. there have been ups and downs, but i love learning and i am grateful for these years i've spent at byu. someday i'll be done, and i'll be glad to leave. but provo really has been good to me.

fourth, i'm grateful for my job, and i'm especially grateful that my job is teaching. it is lovely to have money with which to buy things that i need and want, and i love that i make that money right now by talking to my students and helping them to become better writers. i just hope i can figure out a way to do that for the rest of my life.

those are the important things i can think of right now...i'll be back soon with some other thankfuls.