another long night

last night was another one of those nights when i went to bed, not necessarily at a decent hour, but whatever, and then after half an hour of tossing and turning, i decided to just be up for another few hours or so. i don't know why that happens sometimes. by all accounts, i should always be tired enough at two in the morning to be able to fall right asleep. but that's not always how it goes. but last night i at least ended up being kind of productive in my nocturnal state.

stuff i did from 2:30-6:00 am last night:
read a chapter from alma. a really good chapter, actually.
unpacked from california, which might be some kind of record.
went through my dresser and closet for clothes to give to d.i. and clothes to put in my summer bin.
watched a movie.
researched jack nicholson, christian bale, and charles manson (why i did that, i'm not sure. creepy.) on wikipedia.
drank about 40 oz. of water.
watched an episode of parks and rec.

and then i woke up at 10:30. and i'm starting to feel the effects. but it's kinda too bad i typically need/want more than four hours of sleep each night, because i could probably get a lot done. although, let's face it, it's not like i don't have time enough in the day to get things done and it still doesn't happen.

but anyway. i'm off to the store to stock up on christmas supplies. i can never resist the decorations!

a conundrum

why does it always seem like as soon as i start to figure out one thing in my life, really get a handle on it, something else that i thought i understood starts to fall apart? i guess the lesson is that you are never as in control as you think you are.

i just don't know which thing i would rather have figured out at this point. both of them are pretty important. oh well.

thoughts and observations from my trip to california

 i can't believe the trip is already over. it was great, though it definitely wasn't a relaxing trip. but it was a ton of fun and i still love my family, which is sometimes a feat after a ten hour car ride :)

but here are some thoughts, in no particular order.

this is not me in a skirt, in case you were confused.

--i rocked a skirt at disneyland all day on saturday. it was awesome.
--i satisfied my craving for clam chowder in a bread bowl (memo to self: it wasn't that good; don't spend the ten dollars again.). but i gained a new, last minute craving for this amazing-looking hot roast beef sandwich that will be calling my name until i visit the magic kingdom once again.

--visiting new temples is the best. it's always interesting to see how different each temple is and especially how different each temple is from the provo temple. and it was great to meet up with family and friends at the newport beach temple.

--world of color at california adventure. see it for sure. i saw it from the back (meaning, without seeing the accompanying video), and it was still amazing. i die over anything rainbow, so i was freaking out over the displays of color.

--sibling hotel room: lived up to all of my expectations. looooooooooots of laughter.
--hot tub conversations with strangers=always interesting.
--we still know how to work the parks like pros. and, in case anyone is wondering and for my own future reference, disneyland is not that crazy over thanksgiving. we didn't typically have to wait for anything longer than 30 or 35 minutes.
--cars land is awesome and the new cars ride is great. maybe one of my favorite things, though i'm glad i didn't stand in line for 2 hours.
--i did not choose wisely at miguel's, which is a serious bummer. you have to take advantage of miguel's when you get it, and i did not.
--meredith had the flu for most of the trip, which was even more of a serious bummer. the flu is the worst and i hope she gets better soon. out sibling hotel room wasn't as much fun without her.

--las vegas is super sketchy. i know a lot of people from there, and they seem to like it, but i really don't like it. sorry, people.
--the disneyland resort is the best during the holidays. one of the greatest parts of going around christmastime is seeing the fireworks show and the snow on main street. this year, the fireworks show was cancelled for us due to "unfavorable weather conditions" (boo), but the snow and the lighting of sleeping beauty's castle still made the night pretty magical. 
--...i didn't get any grading done..but who really thought i would?
--i'm super grateful for my family and for dad, who took us all to disneyland even though he doesn't really love it.

okay, now all i have to do is get through two more weeks of class and then finals and i'm home free for three weeks! just kidding, it won't really be as easy as that since i still have a lot of work to do. but the end is in sight!

thankful 2012: day four

here we go again:

i'm grateful for cars and when they function properly.
i'm grateful for miguel's even though i apparently get something different than the rest of my family and am the black sheep.
i'm grateful for classic rock.
i'm grateful for that feeling when things finally start coming together.
i'm grateful for laughter and for jokes and for word play and puns.
i'm grateful for good friends who make me laugh and let me cry and lift me up.
i'm grateful for hottubs.
i'm grateful for missionaries and all of their sacrifices.
i'm grateful for disneyland :)
i'm grateful for shoes.
i'm grateful for garlic bread, which i crave at almost all times.
i'm grateful for time with my family.

and that's all i will say for today, the eve of day one at disneyland. the internet at our hotel is spotty, and i'm due for a dip in the hottub!

we're going to disneyland!!!

i haven't devoted nearly enough time on my blog to our upcoming beesley family trip extravaganza to southern california over thanksgiving, especially considering how much time we devote to talking about it and thinking about it in real life.

back in like september or so, carter invited us three girls to a sibling text group which would be for the purpose of counting down to our trip, sharing memories of disneyland, and just generally expressing our excitement. so, for the past two months, everyday one of us will send a text saying "58 days!!!!" or "i was running and a car went by and it smelled like autopia" or whatever. it's been pretty funny/a little annoying because it means i get a ton of notifications from the group text since we're all seeing things and responding at pretty much the same time. but mostly it's been an awesome way to get pumped about the trip.

and, we've been trading awesome facebook posts back and forth:

of course, i am jasmine, my all-time favorite princess. berg knows me well :)

we as a family really, really love disneyland. most people who know me/us know that. i have so many great memories, some of which aren't detailed remembrances of specific events as much as general warm fuzziness, of being at disneyland with my family. it's just such a magical place!

so, this week we will spend two days at disneyland and california adventure, thanksgiving day and saturday. we expect a crowded park, which means long lines, but it will still be awesome. the only downside: my disneyland t-shirt, ordered last week per our intention to all buy new shirts for the trip, doesn't look like it's going come in time :( oh well. i'll just have to rearrange my outfit a little bit.

off to the happiest place on earth in less than 24 hours!

thankful 2012: day three

this isn't going to be much more than an awesome list :)

i'm grateful for ice cream and cream puffs. and a whole host of other treats. like the mickey-shaped sugar cookies i've been waiting for for so long that are in the kitchen right now awaiting frosting.
i'm grateful for hair products.
i'm grateful for lovely little accessories.
i'm grateful for a beautiful world and little moments when i remember that, like yesterday when i walked under an arch of leaves that were transitioning from green to brown.
i'm grateful for classy outfits.
i'm grateful for talents.
i'm grateful for church and for the priesthood leaders who strive to make it meaningful each week.
i'm grateful for tithing.
i'm grateful for rainbows.
i'm grateful for cell phones and free minutes after 7 and on the weekends and group texting.
i'm grateful for a place to live that is warm and whole and has a nice bed for me to sleep in. and an oven. and a bathroom. and a refrigerator. and, bonus, a balcony.
i'm grateful for music, in so many ways. for music to sing to, for music to dance to, for music to cry to, for music to smile to. right now i'm especially grateful for the carpenters christmas collection :)

this is all i can think of right now, but there will be more. happy thanksgiving week!

amen to that

i've thought a lot about this lately. i think the fairy tale ideal says that love is firecrackers--that it is so intense and explosive and quick-burning that there is nothing else you can think about. maybe for some people it is like this. but i also wonder if sometimes, while i am expecting this firework kind of love, i'm missing out on the soft, slow-burning stuff, the love that slowly and imperceptibly builds and builds, that is also actually really great, too. i wonder if i get caught up in the romantic comedy type of love and forget that that is not always reality.

on a somewhat related note, i was talking to someone the other day about (what else?) dating, and she said that she never expected to be the one that would have to chase the guy. having almost always been someone in that same position, i could relate. it wold be nice if the guy was chasing you and you knew for sure that he was all in it. but i've been thinking: does it really matter the details of the courtship/how things unfold as long as it all has the same result, meaning, for us young single adults, temple marriage? i have to believe that, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter whether it took you guys six months to actually start dating or whether you were more interested in him at first than he was in you or whether your first kiss was awkward or whatever. if the end is true, committed, deep love, i feel like it doesn't matter a whole lot how you got there. i think too much of my time is spent worrying about how the dating stuff happens, "the game", if you will, when i'm becoming less and less sure that that stuff is really of much consequence at all. i'm not sure if that last sentence made much sense, but i don't really care at this point. :)

so those are my thoughts on love for today. doesn't that soft love just sound really nice?

thankful 2012: day two

first, i'm really grateful that i have access to so many great things just when i'm sitting at home. this is not necessarily an "i'm-so-thankful-for-the-internet" thing, but it's pretty amazing that i can look up any conference talk or ensign article online and then either read, listen to, or watch that talk in literally seconds. and, whenever i want to know something, i can just look it up. it's awesome that so much knowledge is instantly accessible.

next, i'm grateful for good food. i've talked about this before--i love food. and my life would not be nearly as happy as it is now without yummy food. i am so grateful that i have enough to eat everyday and that i have so many options available to me. all my weird cravings can be satisfied :)

also, recent events have reminded me how grateful i am that i have the gift of the holy ghost and can receive revelation. i've had some decisions to make lately, and it is always amazing to me how answers come, sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes in ways that hurt a little, but i know that things happen for a reason and that Heavenly Father has a plan and knows what is best. and i am grateful that He lets me know those things when i am doing what i am supposed to be doing.

and i'm grateful for the missionaries. in light of the announcement about the change in mission age requirements, there has been a whole lot of talk about missionaries and missionary work. missions are hard! they aren't just fun 18-month or 2-year vacations. so i'm grateful for those who faithfully serve and sacrifice to spread the gospel and do the Lord's will. and i'm really grateful that missionaries are supposed to write home :)

and, i'm grateful for the temple. i get to study a little bit more about the temple this week, and i am grateful that there is one so close and that there are places on earth where we/i can go to be closer to God and feel peace and comfort.

until next time!

thoughts on tuesday

i think the recurring theme around these "thoughts on..." posts is that they always come out of the days when i am conferencing and therefore sitting around the carrels all day with random snatches of time and no real room for productivity. so, here are my thoughts from the carrels today.

i am obsessed with polka dotted clothes. whenever i am online window shopping and i come across anything polka dot, i have a serious internal debate over whether i should add that thing to my shopping cart or not. a couple weeks ago i bought two things from oldnavy.com--a polka dot chambray shirt and polka dot jeans. and today, these are what i wanted/still kinda really want to get from gap:

this is polka dotted--trust me. you can't really tell here.

those pants are seriously awesome. and i already have polka dot jeans! but i want all of the polka dots!

i am so glad it snowed on friday because that meant that i completely bypassed having to walk on campus in the snow, which is one of the things i most dislike in this world. winter, for me, is characterized by a constant fear of slipping on ice and breaking a leg or a tailbone. though i did have some sketchy moments at the football game on saturday, where the bleachers were almost entirely covered in snow, by the time i really had to walk on campus all the scary ice was gone.

i seriously love zumba. i can't wait until january when i can go two days a week again. i've really missed zumba tone.

a cute outfit and hair go a long way toward making a girl feel good about herself. they aren't the most important things, but they count for something.

i have been listening to the carpenters christmas since halloween and it is so awesome, people. and who wants to pitch in to help me record a christmas album?

okay, that's all i got right now. stay tuned for some more thankfuls.

another thing i love

i've been meaning to post this here just because i love it so much.

a neat rainbow of glitter. it's ridiculous how happy this makes me. well, happy wednesday!

an unfamiliar feeling

what is that unfamiliar feeling, you ask? well, for me lately, it's been productivity. and also excitement and motivation toward my thesis.

it's been a very long time since i have felt any of this, and it's pretty awesome. turns out it actually feels kinda good to put in a good solid day of work. and i'm sleeping better at night. win-win, you know.

"all my little peccadillos"

this weekend i watched good will hunting, without all the swears that i found out were in the movie when i was looking up quotes for this post. the editing made it a little choppy, though i am told that the cinematography is kinda choppy anyway.

but anyway. i liked the movie, especially some of its thoughts on love. i mean, when am i ever not thinking about love? so it makes sense that those parts of the movie stood out to me.

here's the gist: will (matt damon), a foster kid from the slums of boston, is a janitor at MIT who is secretly a genius. he catches the attention of a prominent mathematician who decides to mentor will in order to keep him out of prison. part of the deal is that will also has to meet with a counselor to work through some of his issues.

sean (robin williams), his therapist, comes from a similar background and is able to build trust with will. like i said, the best parts for me were those where sean and will talk about relationships. here's a discussion that i really like.

Sean: You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to. Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't wanna ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody...My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. [they laugh] Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" I'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...[cracks up] Oh [sheesh]... 
Will: [laughing hysterically] She woke herself up? 
Sean: [in hysterics himself] Yes!.... Oh [goodness]....aahhh, but, Will, she's been dead two years and that's the [stuff] I remember. [Will stops laughing] Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Oh, and she had the goods on me, too; she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they're not — aw that's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're findin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learn from an old [crazy] like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a [kid] like you.

first, apparently that first part was totally improvised by robin williams, so the hysterical laughter is legit, not just really good acting. but also, this is exactly what i believe about relationships. i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i want to be in a passionate relationship someday, the kind you see in romantic movies. but, i also know that that kind of passion doesn't necessarily define a marital relationship, especially after the first few years. then, the passion hopefully becomes something deeper, and that's something that i don't fully understand now. i think that initial spark is important, but what's maybe more important is the life you build together in the years to come. i think that's what sean is talking about here, partly. getting to know each other, quirks and imperfections and idiosyncrasies and all, and still being so in love, is what i want to get to.

and i love those bolded lines sosososososo much. none of us are perfect! but that's not the point; it's about being perfect for each other. man, i really love that. i know this is only a movie, but i really believe that's how it's supposed to work, how it can work.

so those are my thoughts on good will hunting, one of the movies to cross off on my list of must-sees. next up: finding forrester and a few good men.

thankful 2012: day one

i have so many things to be thankful for, so here's the first part of the list (which will by no means be comprehensive). but, i am going to at least start off with some of the important things.

first, i am so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. so much of the happiness i feel in my life comes from this knowledge.

second, i'm thankful for my family. it's pretty awesome that we can all just sit around talking for like two hours and have more fun than we would in pretty much any other way. seriously, though. when my dad told us we were going to california over thanksgiving this year, i was most excited (i mean, after thinking about the joy of disneyland) about sharing a hotel room with my siblings. it's going to be a blast staying up late and making prank calls :)

third, i'm thankful for my education. there have been ups and downs, but i love learning and i am grateful for these years i've spent at byu. someday i'll be done, and i'll be glad to leave. but provo really has been good to me.

fourth, i'm grateful for my job, and i'm especially grateful that my job is teaching. it is lovely to have money with which to buy things that i need and want, and i love that i make that money right now by talking to my students and helping them to become better writers. i just hope i can figure out a way to do that for the rest of my life.

those are the important things i can think of right now...i'll be back soon with some other thankfuls.