Wednesday, December 28, 2011

resolution for the new year: speaking kindly of others

i'm reading this book (the jury's still out on whether i like it or not. it has its moments of clarity.), and it is peppered with relevant quotes from famous people. here is one that jumped out at me the other day. it comes from a chapter called "the lady makes friends":
good ol' jean paul
"a [woman] never discloses [her] character so clearly as when [she] describes another's."
                                                                        jean paul richter
yeah, i need to work on that. it is so easy to talk negatively about people when you don't know their whole life. i can easily say, yeah, she seems really stuck up, when i've never talked to her. and when i talk about others, people who haven't wronged me in any real way, what is that saying about me? essentially it's saying that i am all of the things i accuse other people of being. and i don't want to be that person. 

i know that when i hear other people talking derogatorily about another's clothes/hair/behavior/taste in fill-in-the-blank, i wonder what they are saying about me when i am not there. and i am guilty of saying things that are not so nice some of the time.

so, i am resolving to be a better friend, starting with not talking about people behind their backs/in a negative manner. i want to be a lady, and ladies do not tarnish the character of others. and, even more basically then that, i want to be a good person, and good people say nice things about other people. 

i finally tracked down this quote i have been looking for forever from president henry b. eyring. he said, quoting a wise district president, that, "when you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.” i need to take that to heart and think and speak better of others, and what a perfect time to start.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

a toast to long courtships

i know a couple who has been dating for roughly nine months. they are pretty great together, at least from what i have seen. i fully expect them to get engaged. well, i wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if they did get engaged.

but here's the thing: they aren't engaged yet.

i respect this. i think that, for some people, it is possible to start dating, get engaged, and get married in a short amount of time. it happens a lot, in mormon/provo culture at least, and i think (i hope) it works out more times than it doesn't. but, i also think that there are many people who jump too quickly into a level of seriousness in relationships without knowing each other all that well.

i'm sure many of us have heard the adage "long courtship, short engagement." there is wisdom in this for several reasons, but the part i have been thinking about (obviously) is the long courtship. i for one too often expect that things can get moving with a guy in a really short time, like i can meet someone, date them, and get engaged in just a couple months. this is partly because i am impatient and would love to be married. and the possibility still exists that something could happen that quickly.

a long courtship, if that's the way it happens, just makes sense to me, though. how could you suffer from finding out more about your boyfriend or seeing him in a bunch of different situations? yes, you might find out or observe things you are not okay with, but figuring those things out before making a big, eternal decision will make your eternity decidedly better, in my opinion. you might also find out or observe things that make you fall further in love, which is awesome. so, win win for long courtship.

as i said, it happens differently for different people. i've talked to some who "just knew" after a few days or weeks that they were meant to be together. others, though, needed a lot longer before they were ready to be wed forever and ever.

so, to that couple who is still dating (and facebook confirms that they are still dating and are not officially engaged, as of a couple minutes ago), i salute you. and here's hoping that, when the time comes, i will be absolutely sure that that guy is the one i want to be wed to forever and ever.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

reasons i love the holidays

  • so much good food--english toffee, almond tea bread (still trying to convince mom this is a must-make), mock chicken legs on christmas eve, creamed corn,thumbprint cookies with melty hershey kisses, and lots and lots of hot cocoa.
  • christmas lights--multicolored lights are my favorite, though classic white icicles are nice too. the riverwoods went all out this year with their trees and i LOVE it. and, of course, temple square is always a must see. it wouldn't be christmas time without a visit to downtown salt lake.
  • christmas cards and letters--it is fun to get the different letters and pictures from various friends and family. many of them we don't see on a regular basis, so catching up on family news, even if only in a superficial way, is a ritual our family looks forward to every year. also, i have been the designated beesley family christmas letter writer for the past seven years or so, and even though i usually have to schedule writing time during finals, i love writing it and remembering how awesome my family is.
  • christmas movies--so many good ones, from white christmas to home alone (1 and 2, in my opinion) to the holiday. also, while you were sleeping--great in itself, but takes place at christmas which = doubly awesome.
  • gift hunting--nothing better than knowing you've gotten them something they are going to love. hehehehe
  • christmas music--i don't know why, but for some reason this year i don't feel like i've listened to enough yuletide carols. so i have a few days (and however long i feel like extending the holiday season...) to listen to my favorites. like the carpenters (i bought their complete christmas portrait set this year), amy grant, shedaisy (so good), and point of grace. and the new michael buble christmas album is also lovely. also never to be forgotten: the mormon tabernacle choir christmas concert. blows me away every year.
  • spending time with my family and friends. on sunday night the six of us sat around the fire for probably two hours just talking and laughing, and i know the rest of the break is going to be filled with more of the same. and i can't wait to see my utah friends outside of p-town :)
merry christmas eve!

    Thursday, December 22, 2011

    resolution for the new year: to not letting friendships fade

    i've been surfing the internet more than i usually do lately, mostly to look for cool blogs and inspiration for this creative kick i'm on.  

    (and, can i just say, one really awesome thing about these blogs is that the women who write them acknowledge that their sites only portray a small part of their lives. they seem perfect, because they are churning out crafts or putting up pictures of gorgeous interiors, but they readily admit that they are not perfect. but along with that, the blogs i've been following lately are created by women with families who seem genuinely happy with their lives, and often they are stay-at-home moms, and often they are not lds. i think that's pretty cool, and it's something i want to live up to. the end.)

     yesterday i came across sometimes sweet, and this was part of one of the first posts i saw. the author, danielle, is talking about one of her best girl friends, whom she met during college.
    But then things changed and somehow we drifted apart. There were never hard feelings, but she got into a serious relationship at the same time I moved in with another group of friends, and we fell out of our norm. It would have been impossible to keep our friendship going at the same intensity- as life changes relationships change too. And although we understood this, we let what could have been a shift turn into a total end.
    Sometimes Sweet, "Now and Then"

    the same idea comes up in this song, "5 years' time" by noah and the whale, that i've been listening to for the past few weeks. here's the song for your listening pleasure. (for some reason i couldn't get the official video, which is awesome, to upload to my blog. so i'll have to settle for music only.)
    at the end he says, "in five years' time i might not know you/ in five years' time we might not speak/ in five years' time we might not get along/ in five years' time you might just prove me wrong." the whole song they are having so much fun, fun, fun together, but then he realizes, hey, what about the future? we might not know each other in a few years.

    i think about this a lot. i can think of a few different friendships of mine that are currently in this kind of liminal space. we have tons of fun when we are together, and it goes just back to the way it was before we drifted apart, but somehow our lives have changed. we don't keep in touch regularly, so we don't know the details of each others' day-to-day activities. and i'm not mad about it or anything--how could i be? i'm as much to blame as anyone--but it does make me a little sad. 

    because, like danielle says at the end there, every relationship changes as life changes, even the relationships you have with people you see every day. but if both of you don't put in the effort to preserve your friendship in its new form, it will simply fade. 

    it seems to me that if there is someone who means a lot to you at one point in your life, they should probably mean a lot to you at the other points of your life, too, though probably in a different way. i've let many of those important people just slip away from me, and now i think that i should have tried harder to keep something going. i think that i usually just shrug my shoulders and say to myself, 'well, i've grown beyond that friendship, and we're both in different places in our lives now.' but does that even make any sense? if i really cared about them, wouldn't i want them there through all the "different places" of my life, and wouldn't i want them to think the same about me?

    sometimes i worry about this happening with the friendships i have now. i wonder, will we even talk once the convenience of this relationship leaves us? but, really, it's up to me (and hopefully the other person) to keep it going when we live farther away or when our lives are different. if we drift apart, it's partly my fault.

    the moral of danielle's story is that it's never too late. both she and her long-lost friend wanted to reconnect during their years of little contact, and both always seemed to lose nerve. but, eventually, they got together again and figured out how to become good friends within the framework of their different lives. and, like charlie fink says in "five years' time," it's up to the people in the relationship to prove that they can last.

    i'm all for this; it is a little scary, because it means putting myself out there, and i usually run away from such things. but i've never understood the logic behind restricting yourself from having as many friendships as possible (it's why i react so violently against the idea of a "friend zone"), so why would i just let these great friends/great people slip out of my life?

    so, another resolution: to reconnect with old friends and not be satisfied with the mentality that "oh, we're just in different places in our lives now." because, let's face it, i can use all the friends i can get.

    Wednesday, December 21, 2011

    if i were getting anything besides money this christmas...

    not that i'm not grateful for the money. i am. i'm grateful to get anything, really. but if there were packages waiting for me under the tree, i would want these lovelies to be in them.

    amazon, $61
    coach poppy flower perfume. i'm in need of a new scent, and this one has caught my nose.

    j.crew, $128 (so, unattainable :))
    let's face it: i need a pair of ruby slippers at some point in my life. why not now?

    ross-simons jewelry, $a lot.
    turquoise and rhinestones. yes please. also, from an estate collection, so extra cool.

    amazon, $varying.

    opi russian navy matte nail lacquer. tried to buy it over thanksgiving and the wrong one came. still want it. will get it eventually.

    we'll see.

    kate's paperie, $17.99.
    rainbow writing tools.

    return trip to london. if only...

    prince design UK,, $22.
    this adorable little dish i found on etsy.

    amazon, $13.59.

    i've had my eye on this for a while now. i might just buy it after christmas :)

    a.heirloom, etsy, $40.
    a sweet cutting board in the shape of the state of my choice. which would i choose?

    farberware, amazon, $32.
    and, a last minute addition fueled by my realization that a lot of yummy things (read: chocolates and the like) require the use of a double boiler. if i had one, i wouldn't have to turn away from above yummy recipes in tears and frustration.

    there you have it. merry christmas shopping!

    Tuesday, December 20, 2011

    resolution for the new year: on creativity

    these days my thoughts are straying ever farther from academia and ever closer to creation. and by creation i mean creating things. with my hands and my mind.

    i feel an almost constant desire to be making things. i want to put things out into the world that have been made by me. i want to write essays all the time, about the things that make me think and the beautiful things i see and the funny things that happen in life. i want to record and make lovely music that will make people happy. i want to craft and have an etsy store and create headbands and pendants and typography and ceramic knick knacks and crocheted hats and other clever and gorgeous things. i want to do art projects with paper and fabric and glue guns and paint and glitter and buttons and ceramic tiles and lace. (let's see how many times i can use the word 'ceramic' in this post, shall we?) i want to blog. i want people to see my blog.

    i discovered this blog and etsy shop today (while i was pinterest-stalking my secret gift exchange recipient, actually) and it is just one of the things that has inspired me recently. the blogger, melissa, has this gorgeous print in her shop, and the sentiment is one that hit me especially hard.

    so, i'm resolving to do that, even if it isn't technically resolution time yet. i want to be doing creative things that will make me, and hopefully other people, happy. time to put my pinterest boards and my inspiration notes to good use.

    Monday, December 19, 2011

    some thoughts on dating

    the ladies in our apartment talk about dating a lot. it's to be expected. we're young, we're surrounded by eligible men, and we are very eligible and very great ourselves. if i do say so on all of our behalf.

    this is something that has been floating around lately. it rings very true. a particularly good quote:

    A lot of men today don’t seem to believe it, but getting hitched to the right woman is a very desirable thing.
    So while there is nothing wrong with hanging out, it’s not a replacement for dating. Dating is the pathway to finding your true love and eventually settling down and getting married. Marriage is a one on one relationship, so you need to start getting to know women on a one on one basis. You might be hanging out with her and your friends right now, but if you don’t take her on date, she’ll forever be just your friend. So, start dating and stop hanging out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.
     The website this article comes from, the art of manliness, is pretty cool. for guys and girls.

    and a lot of the issues the authors bring up in in their article reminded me and my friends of this talk given by president monson in april conference. so, i guess, once again, i am reminded of how in tune the leaders of the church are to the trends of the world. they aren't just a bunch of old guys sitting up in a tall building--they know what's up.

    any thoughts about these two articles or dating in general?

    Thursday, December 15, 2011

    life these days

    it's five o'clock on the thursday of finals week and i have little left to do. certainly nothing stressful, whcih is nice. i got all of that over with by tuesday at two in the afternoon.

    so, this week has turned out to be more mellow than previous finals weeks, at least in my experience. we've had a sleepover (under the mistletoe, i could add) every night, i unwound from a crazy day with the resurrection of hot tub tuesday, i went to a dance party, i've eaten good food (thai, sub, costa, ice cream), and i've watched several episodes of parks and rec, each of which made me laugh heartily.

    on;y a couple more things to take care of and i'm (semi) carefree until the new year. there is that little issue of my thesis, but that will get done. please hope it gets done.

    Saturday, December 10, 2011

    fleetmac woodfoxes

    when i typed "fleet" into my itunes library, albums from both fleet foxes and fleetwood mac emerged. i originally set out to listen to fleet foxes, but i love them both, so i let the mashup stay. and it was glorious.

    Wednesday, December 7, 2011

    good times

    reading this list took me back to the good ol' days. have fun reminiscing during these crazy times. i sure did.

    and, one of the amazing songs i've been listening to these days.

    i have little private dance parties when i go to the library because my studying mix is so good. one bright spot to going to the library, i guess.

    Saturday, December 3, 2011

    when i rule a world: a partial list

    there will be drinking fountains everywhere, so that you come upon them even more frequently than you do now. and they will be in europe, because that was maybe the thing i missed most about america. said drinking fountains will also dispense cold cold water, as cold as the water in the drinking fountain in the rb that i crave and visit several times during zumba.

    guys and girls will be able to talk to each other frankly about dating/being interested in one another. no more of this uncertainty that causes so much discomfort and awkwardness. people will go on dates and not feel pressure to get married or even just "like" each other, like "like like" each other, if you catch my drift. then, it seems to me, things will happen organically and perhaps without all the heartache of not knowing what the heck is going on in his mind.

    chocolate will be considered a fruit and/or vegetable.

    mandatory impromptu slow dances will happen throughout the day and night. when you hear the melodious strains of such classic slow jams as k-ci and jojo's "all my life" or lonestar's "amazed" or, best of all, daniel bedingfield's "if you're not the one", find a partner and cozy up.

    Friday, December 2, 2011

    stylewatch: fifties edition, with perhaps some sixties thrown in for good measure

    one of my favorite movies of all time is white christmas, the old one with bing crosby and rosemary clooney. a couple weeks ago, i saw the byu production of the broadway musical version. it was great, the music was awesome, but it didn't quite live up to my expectations, bred from years of watching and loving the original.

    anyway, all of this is leading up to a discussion of the clothes. always, the clothes. i have long appreciated the style of the original white christmas, and the musical version was no different. i have often thought that i should have been born during this time period because the clothes are so delightful. feminine, flattering, tailored, beautiful.

    and here is the proof.

    floaty, pink, full skirt--perfect for dancing around the pier. or wherever they're supposed to be.
    i wish this was in color because she is wearing this great red belt to accessorize the full black and white checked skirt.
    looooooove this dress. so elegant. and it fits her perfectly.  
    and, because i didn't end up buying the banana republic mad men dress that i wanted and i am still feeling the pangs of non-buyer's remorse, here is a sample of the clothes from mad men, which is set in the 1960s.

    once again: tailored, beautiful fabrics, prints, colors
    so, there you have it. my preoccupation with these eras will probably continue, so i might update this in the future. but for now, i will pine outside of my blog.

    Wednesday, November 30, 2011

    to my future children: second installment

    you will watch classic disney movies. by classic, i mean the ones that came out in the nineties. you need to know about the little mermaid, beauty and the beast, aladdin, pocahontas, tarzan, mulan, the lion king, and others, including the real classics, like cinderella, snow white, sleeping beauty, and 101 dalmations. my kids will know that music so we can have family sing-a-longs in the car and around the piano. there also might be some dancing required.

    as much as i hated it when i was a kid, we'll have chores. and you'll probably have to help in the yard: raking, mowing the lawn, weeding, which was the bane of my existence at several times in my life. but you'll also be responsible for cleaning your room and taking out the trash and helping around the house in general. but you'll appreciate me and your dad for it later.

    Monday, November 28, 2011

    thankful: part final

    this is the part that should have come on thursday but didn't because i was too busy enjoying family and food and friends.

    so, here we go. i am thankful for stuffing. it is the most delightful of the thanksgiving foods. i am thankful for little girls and the way they dance around the living room and sing at the top of their lungs. i am thankful that i was born at the time i was and to the family i was and in the place that i was. i am thankful for nail polish, especially the lovely lavender i am currently sporting. i am thankful for warm blankets and beds and coats and socks and houses. i am thankful for neuro-opthalmologists and the crazy things they do. i am thankful for my senses, especially my eyes, and that i can read and write and watch things. i am thankful for my education and the things i am learning, both about my subject and, more often, about myself. i am thankful for oreo concretes from nielsen's frozen custard. i am grateful for my sisters and my brother and for long car rides with them and all of our family jokes and puns and long talks on the couch or in my room or around mom and dad's bed as we are supposed to be saying family prayer. i am thankful for mom and her advice and her amazing cooking and how we can call her about anything domestic and she always has the answer.
    i am thankful for the savior and for the extra reminders i get at this time of year, but i am especially thankful that i have a knowledge of Him that can be with me throughout the year.

    there are so so so many more things. i am so blessed, and i am thankful for the things i have. i hope you had a happy thanksgiving!

    Thursday, November 24, 2011

    thankful: part three

    i am grateful for days of rest. i planned on grading a bunch of issues papers yesterday (i still plan to finish them this weekend--no more of this taking-a-month-to-grade stuff), but instead i raked the leaves with the siblings, went to see the help at the dollar twenty-five theater, ate a roast beef sandwich and frozen custard, read some food essays, took a nap, played with the little girls, went to target, bought some new moccasins and a thermal shirt, watched cars 2, which i thought was pretty cute, made myself a late night egg salad sandwich, and went to sleep with two little girls on my floor. i did hardly anything productive, but it was a much needed break from the weightier matters of life, namely school, boys, and the glove game.

    i'm also grateful for a warm, cozy place to live and sleep. i know i am blessed to have those things when so many people don't. i love my bed a lot, well, both of my beds, and i have other warm things that are awesome, too. so, i'm grateful that my family has the means to provide for me.

    thankful: day two (part two, i should say)

    so, the past few days have been busy/i haven't had as regular access to my computer, so my plans for daily posts were foiled. but, i still want to talk about the several things i have been grateful for this week, so this is going to be a multi-post day.

    for tuesday, then: i am thankful for good friends who, even though we are in the midst of a bitter war (more to come on that at the end of the month), make me laugh, accompany me and my roommates to the hottub, and let us hang out until midnight.

    also, good friends who have our backs, who will keep a mustache at our urging, who make awesome music, and who have a sense of humor that not many people seem to understand except me. 

    in the same vein, i am also grateful for roommates who like to stay up late talking, who are okay being in the thick of the ward hijinx, and who are up for impromptu dance parties in the dark/vigilant searches for that one nineties rock/pop song we have stuck on our heads, which inevitably lead to an hour or more watching the ridiculous videos.

    to friends!

    Monday, November 21, 2011

    thankful: day one

    i always want to do a series of thanksgiving posts, and i meant to start yesterday. that didn't end up happening because yesterday was a crazy day.

    so, that means today is the beginning of my thankful posts.

    today i am thankful for dad. it also happens to be his birthday, which is pretty perfect. 

    dad has taught me a lot in my life. from the infamous "freedom vs. liberty" talk in lake powell (which i'm still not sure i get. kidding, dad!) to "you can be offended and not take offense" to other counsel about the gospel and what kind of person i should be.

    i get much of my humor from him, including a love of puns and one-liners. he's one of the funniest guys  know (though you should quit telling that one about mom being your first wife, dad. not that funny anymore :))

    he has taught me to work hard and not to settle for anything less than your best. he is never afraid of anything, which means he often expects me to do the things that scare me. he always calls food service representatives and other name-tagged officials by their names, and when he meets a new person, he can almost always find a connection. he has a lot of connections. a lot. it's crazy.

    he has one of the strongest testimonies i can think of, and i know he loves mom and us kids. happy birthday, dad! i am grateful for you!

    Thursday, November 17, 2011


    yesterday i ran into a long lost friend--the guy who sits at a desk outside our graduate offices playing some kind of multiplayer online video game and who every so often yells things out of nowhere. i haven't heard that guy all semester! i had to chuckle when i heard him back there behind me, playing his game with his buddies as always, making a comment about seeming nonsense.

    hottub wednesday is a good tradition. it is always an experience. last night we had the glenwood jacuzzi all to ourselves for a few minutes, and i think good conversations were had by all. except for a few awkward/one-sided ones that we will try to avoid in the future.

    i feel like i'm getting too old for byu. maybe not too old, but many of the things that used to make me really happy about byu, like going to football games or just being on campus with my fellow students, don't really make me happy anymore. i don't know what to do about this.

    after six years, i'm still not sure i know how to do "research". and that is still a problem.

    no-shave november is one of the best things happening right now. post forthcoming.

    that is all for now. all that i feel like sharing, that is.

    Wednesday, November 9, 2011

    little details

    it is amazing to me how sometimes everything works together so perfectly and so seamlessly when, by all estimations, they shouldn't have worked out at all because of individual agency or circumstance.

    some call this coincidence. some call it serendipity (which is a great word, even if i'm unsure i believe that things can really be simply serendipitous). i call it little everyday evidences that god knows me and knows exactly what i am feeling and what i need.

    So it is, amid the vastness of His creations, God’s personal shaping influence is felt in the details of our lives—not only in the details of the galaxies and molecules but, much more importantly, in the details of our own lives. Somehow God is providing these individual tutorials for us while at the same time He is overseeing cosmic funerals and births, for as one earth passes away so another is born . It is marvelous that He would attend to us so personally in the midst of those cosmic duties.
     Neal A. Maxwell, "Becoming a Disciple"

    Tuesday, November 8, 2011

    a day at the temple

    last saturday our ward planned a trip to the manti temple, which is about an hour and a half away from us, by car that is. i don't know how far it is as the crow flies.

    but anyway.

    we have a temple here in provo, but it is fun to get out every once in awhile and see temples that we don't usually get to see.

    here's the thing: whenever i think about going to the temple, i think of a million reasons why i shouldn't. for saturday, i was worried about losing a whole day of prospective homework time. then i was worried that it would be snowing as we drove down there and we would die in a tragic black ice accident on the way to the temple. then i was worried that i would drive down with lame people and i wouldn't have any fun (because that's the point of all ward activities, right?)

    however, once again i learned that everything works out when you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. i needed to go to the temple that day, and everything worked out so smoothly so that could happen. i ended up in a carful of great people and we listened to a diverse and inspiring playlist on the way there and back, culminating in a headbanging rendition of bohemian rhapsody that i will remember for a long time. the weather was great, we got there safely, and we were greeted in manti by this sight:

    courtesy of
    i had only been to the manti temple once before to see the mormon miracle pageant for a youth conference. it was amazing then, but it was even better to go inside. i love the temple, and i get so wrapped up in the craziness of life that i forget that i need the peace that the temple brings me. good choice all around.

    when everyone emerged from the temple, we headed over to the local institute building for a sub sandwich lunch. can i just say that i love walmart subs? new favorite thing from walmart. they provide really good condiments, the meats are good, it's just good. we sat around and ate and talked about books and movies and blogs and school and professors (who shall remain nameless) and it was great to chat with old friends as well as new ones.

    whenever i don't go to an activity, i always try to tell myself that i probably didn't miss that much. but i don't know if i believe that anymore. i am really glad i went on saturday, and, even though i didn't do any homework during the day, i still got everything done that i needed to. and i still had fun that night, listening to karaoke, worrying about an appendix, and tim-tam-slamming it with carolyn.

    moral of the story, for me at least: go to the temple.

    songs i've had stuck in my head today

    "lullabye"--shawn mullins (aka "rockabye") "need more mullins!"

    "poison and wine"--the civil wars

    "ho hey"--the lumineers

    "it's beginning to look a lot like christmas"

    "washer guy"--as yet unnamed, unsigned act out of provo, utah

    and, this little ditty, which has been the constant soundtrack to my day:
    "monsters crawling through my veins/i'm going insane/don't want to go home.
    used to hide and suppress/but nevertheless/i'm wild"
    so, thanks to my friends jesse and eric for that. i'm working on the harmonies for that catchy tune.

    Friday, November 4, 2011

    BLAST! from the past

    when we were awesome and used to get annual passes to disneyland and disney's california adventure, my favorite attraction, as they call them down there, was BLAST!, an amazing musical extravaganza that played four or five times daily at the hyperion theater in california adventure.
    i loved BLAST! because

    a) i love music and people who make beautiful music accessible and fun,
    b) i basically love anything disney, and
    c) there was this very attractive, very talented trumpeter, zak, who was featured in the show. and i loved him as well.

    therefore, i have very fond memories of BLAST!. if we didn't go see it on a trip to the parks, i was bummed. if we did go see it and zak wasn't there, i was really bummed.
    anyway, all of this is leading up to the fact that tuesday night we went to see a touring production of BLAST! in salt lake. the show at california adventure was abbreviated, but one other time, that one time i visited my relations in texas, we went to see the full-length show and it was fantastic, even without zak.
    anyway, tonight's show brought back all of those memories, from california adventure and texas and watching the vhs over and over and listening to ravel's epic "bolero," the opening number of the show.

    i would add more videos, but you can youtube it at your leisure. BLAST! is awesome, and it always will be, zak or no zak. thanks for hearing about the show mom!

    (p.s. another side effect of this trip to salt lake, more specifically kingsbury hall on the university of utah campus, was that i...kind of liked the campus. i love byu and will always be a cougar, but we don't really have beautiful old buildings and a true college town feel. so, i don't know how to feel about that. is another degree in my future?)

    Wednesday, November 2, 2011

    a halloween adventure

    i may or may not have already talked about this on my blog before. i cannot remember, but i'm not sure why i would have written this particular thing. in any case, halloween is my favorite day on byu campus. i love seeing what people are daring enough to wear to school. the costumes that especially make me giggle are the ones that i know the person will have to remove in order to sit down comfortably in class. por ejemplo:
    --the "loan sharks" that were terrorizing campus last year. i think those costumes were a non-fabric and therefore unsittable material.
    --anything with sandwich boards announcing what your punny and clever costume idea was.
    --and, the grand-daddy of all costumes with mandatory-removal clauses (and also the best costume i have ever seen on campus and, possibly, in the world), a tetris piece. specifically, this tetris piece.
    except upside down, so the person inside the giant l-shaped tetris piece was wearing the bottom of the l on their head. they had made provisions for vision in the form of a small mesh screen where their eyes presumably gazed out from the cardboard fortress, but there were no provisions for sitting, which seems like an important provision to provide for. anyway, aside from that, this was the best costume ever. this person even had the tetris music playing somewhere inside the suit, so that just when i was thinking that this ensemble would be made by a rendition of the classic tetris theme, i heard the faint strains wafting from underneath the heavy cardboard. i was giggling for the rest of the day.

    this year, sadly, i didn't really see any awesome costumes, particularly any that would require classroom removal, though i did hear the sexy sax man roaming around campus.

    so anyway, i thought halloween was going to be a dud.

    but then.

    our home teacher came over and said we were going to go to his cabin up the canyon to watch a scary movie. perfect end to a weird halloween! it was a lot of fun, even though i do not normally do scary movies, as i said in a previous post. i was screaming my head off, and i think i had my eyes closed for half the movie. still awesome.

    all in all a good halloween.

    Friday, October 28, 2011

    to my future children: first installment

    no matter how much you whine and beg, how much you want our house to be the "cool house" that you can invite all your friends to, with all the cool toys, no matter how much you try to convince me that i need to be the "cool mom," the mom who is "with it" and "hip," we will never have a game system. no wii for you.

    i don't know how much the world/the media/school is going to teach you about how to use your imagination and what that even means, so we will have imagination days, where we play games together outside and make up stories and play house and play doctor and play school and read stories. i want you to be able to unplug from the craziness of the world and reality (within reason (haha), of course).

    Tuesday, October 25, 2011

    three little emails in my inbox this evening

    all is well, in the midst of writer's block, mounds of reading, papers to grade, parties to execute, dances to choreograph, missed episodes to catch up on, muddy buddies to eat, and conversations to be had.

    maybe this will give me the boost i need to get stuff done :)

    Monday, October 24, 2011

    the witching hour

    it is that time of year again, where our thoughts are filled with costume ideas, scary stories, and black and orange. our apartment has gotten into the full swing of halloween. we prepared our costumes early (twenties wear to satisfy the requirements of the ward party last friday night), we have looked at decorating and creepy food ideas (meat loaf hand? we are all over that), and we read agatha christie's very creepy, very a propos murder mystery and then there were none. aloud and often at the stroke of midnight. and every night after we finished reading we had to run up the stairs to our beds, too afraid to stay downstairs in the dark.
    i was talking to berg the other day and i asked her what she was going to be for halloween this year. she said she didn't really know yet, and she didn't know what the freshman festivities would be. i remembered my own freshman halloween. i didn't dress up, i didn't celebrate really, i didn't trick or treat through helaman halls like some of my friends did. but then, a couple years later, my roommates and i went all out--we dressed in theme, hit the stake dance party, and went to a concert at the riverwoods. we had a busy halloween. i wonder if everyone goes through a little halloween dry spell, a lack of enthusiasm for getting dressed up and engaging in pagan merriment. the last couple years of high school were the same.
    now, though, i love halloween (aside from the creepy stuff that some people are into. i do not do haunted houses, forests, asylums, or warehouses, and i do not do scary movies, except in very rare cases, like a couple of years ago when i really, really wanted to see psycho at international cinema the weekend before halloween so i planned to go with my study abroad friends and then through some crazy circumstances which i don't remember none of them ended up coming so it was just me and i had to walk to the car alone afterwards and when i got home i had to tell meredith everything because i was bursting to talk about it with someone. that's one of my few exceptions.).
    but anyway, after that long aside, halloween is pretty awesome and i'm going to be rather bummed when the season is over. thanksgiving is great, and i am looking forward to 1) a break and 2) good food. but we are finding that it is difficult to think of good thanksgiving themed books for our nightly readings. so for now, i'll have fun getting ready for halloween and all the mischief that comes along with it.

    Thursday, October 13, 2011

    this night is sparkling/ don't you let it go

    so, we went to see taylor swift a couple weeks ago. it was amazing, just as we knew it would be.
    because of the craziness that is my life right now, i am just now uploading the pictures and videos to my computer. we didn't have great seats, so the pictures aren't like looking right up her nose or anything super cool like that, but looking at them and watching the videos did take me back to that magical night.

    here are some pictures from the festivities. (i will not be posting any videos. too embarrassing--you can hear my loud singing, as i am the camera operator, and the dumb comments i make--"it's spinning!")

    matching tie-dye. it's tradition.

    in our seats. berg with a blurry face.

    love her!!

    loved these dresses.

    enchanted, obviously. well, not obvious from the picture, but obvious because i love this song with everything that i am.        so yeah, obvious.

    long live with the band :)

    wearing a lovely dress sitting on a lovely couch.

    flying around in a balcony during love story. yes, that is correct.

    and, there she is looking like a princess.
    for those of you skeptics who say that 1) t-swift is lame or has lame songs or 2) she's not good live, you don't know what you are talking about. i still believe that she would be an awesome friend and a super cool person, and i still get the chills when i hear some of her songs, because they express exactly how i feel. and, you'll just have to take my word for it: she is incredible in concert. she puts on an amazing, highly entertaining show, and everyone who is there adores her, which makes it even better.

    also, this year, after making the regrettable mistake of not shelling out the cash for concert shirts at her last salt lake show, we stood in line and debated over the merits of the various t-shirts on display. meredith was this close to buying a forty dollar throw blanket, which she is now saying she wants us to buy her for her birthday. we bought our shirts and i wore mine to school the next day, sparking several conversations/one-sided debates. and, i'm even wearing my shirt now, i just realized.

    thanks again, t-swift. you never disappoint. come to salt lake again, and tweet about us, why don't you. and thanks to berg for being born so we could buy her a ticket for her birthday.

    where did all of my free time go?

    all of a sudden, i have no time to do the things i want to do.

    this includes, but is not necessarily limited to:
    painting my nails
    watching the new episodes of my favorite shows just added to netflix watch instantly
    finally finishing by biannual reading of the seventh harry potter, which i began at the end of august
    writing a legit and comprehensive (whatever that means) journal entry
    writing other such enjoyable things
    going out to get frozen yogurt
    watching movies
    just generally hanging around not worrying about the big projects and life decisions that i have been putting off

    i'm not sure what to do about this. the perpetual student in me can't get past the assignments and deadlines. but the human, the real person who wants to be happy, an emotion that is increasingly felt outside of school, is telling me that i have to rethink the way i do things.

    so, we'll see. i'm not sure what this means yet. but i think it means that some things are more important than others. now it's a matter of figuring out what the most important things are. it's time to revisit an old favorite.

    Wednesday, October 5, 2011

    to nana's house we go

    today, even though i had about a million things to do and i have had barely a minute to stop and think, i felt a tiny bit of reprieve from the stress, worry, and overwork of the past few days and weeks. i know that i still have about a million things to do and one conference presentation to get through tomorrow, but a little mini vacation from school and provo is nice.

    so i'll spend a couple days here at nana and bopy's house and see the cousins and go to the yummy food places and go shopping at my favorite store  and maybe play a harmless game of bunco and maybe meet a new second cousin or first cousin once removed and swim once last time and try to get all my stuff done in a non-provo environment.

    Tuesday, October 4, 2011

    a writing exercise

    1. Write down the first word that you think of, right now, and write about it for five minutes. Stop, at five minutes on the nose, mid-word if you must.

    2. Take the last letter of the last word (or half word) that you wrote and think of a word that begins with that letter. Write down that word and write about it for five minutes.

    3. Repeat step 2 as many times as you feel necessary to get the creative juices flowing.

    i think often about how certain smells are associated with certain times of the year or even certain times in my life. the hard part is that i usually can't recall them on command, and i couldn't tell you off the top of my head which smells come with each season. but every once in a while a scent will hit me, tickling my olfactory sense and triggering some memory, whether vivid or faint.
    like, the smell of coffee reminds me of walking into disney's california adventure, which is a place near and dear to my heart. and, for some reason, it always smelled like coffee when we walked under that golden gate bridge.
    or, yesterday, as the clouds rolled into provo to signal impending rain and that clean muggy smell permeated the air, i was again flooded with images. of carefully sidestepping big gushing crawling slimy worms that confetti the sidewalk. or of curling up in my bed under my big green fluffy precious moments blanket, good book in hand and fuzzy sock on foot. the smell of rain means a bath for the world.

    if my doorbell was like this, my feelings would be more certain
    pretty much since we moved in seven years ago, our doorbell at home has been on the fritz. this isn't too distressing, by any means, because the previous owners had one of those really annoying melodious doorbells--ding dong ding dong, ding ding ding dong. my first instinct, when i get to a door, is to knock anyway. knocking can be loud, i grant you that, but it is mostly relegated to the door area. the doorbell, however, is more intrusive. when you push it, you know there is a little box situated somewhere in the house that will probably wake up a baby from a nap or something. my little brother's twerpy friends used to come to our door seeking him out and, instead of knocking like polite little boys, they would ring the doorbell incessantly. my feelings about doorbells are uncertain.

    Tuesday, September 27, 2011

    on roommates

    roommates are, as some might say, a blessing and a curse.

    they are a blessing because you can sometimes talk to them for hours and hours about anything and everything and they don't think you are weird.

    however, this is also a curse, because it makes me want to be at home hanging out with them instead of doing all my work, the work which will possibly save me one thousand dollars or allow me to graduate or lead me to a good grade or ensure than my students have a productive day in class.

    they are also a blessing because they get me and actually want to be with me, too.

    however, this is also a curse because, why would i want to be around other people who don't love me as much or understand my meaningful looks or listen to my dating advice (i am still amazed this is still going on, seeing as i have no qualifications for giving dating advice.)? and, it's a curse because, how am i ever going to find a boy who does all that stuff too (minus the dating advice, most likely)?

    so now i am going to leave the library because i can't bear the thought that they are having fun/deep conversations without me. although, my justin bieber album just came on, so maybe i should stay just for that...

    wikipedia love: a poem

    my go-to guru
    (in class,
          in conversation,
                in debate)
    my mecca, feeding my trivia addiction
    proving me right.
    we say it's unreliable, yet we rely on it.
    if it's not there, it doesn't exist.
    a distraction, but an educational one.

    which is perhaps the best kind of distraction.

    this is what i wikipedia'd tonight. it was worth it.

    Tuesday, September 20, 2011

    laughter is the best

    i thought of that title this morning when i was walking to campus, and it reminded me of when, in dinner for schmucks, the steve carell character says, "you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not" and then i started to laugh, which is really the point of it all, especially this post.

    sometimes i get embarrassed about my laugh. it's usually a whole-body affair. sometimes i thrash around or throw my head down on top of my hands or, conversely, throw my hands up to my face. i think it can get rather violent at times. even if i'm not in a situation where i can spasm all over the place, i laugh really loud. there was this lady in my ward growing up who you could always hear during church. i'd hear a laugh during a speaker's talk and think, well, sister so-and-so thought that was funny. i'm that sister so-and-so now.

    but really, i kind of love it. i love to laugh, i love making people laugh, i love it when people make me laugh. so if people get annoyed at me for laughing loud, so be it.

    it also makes me rethink when i get annoyed with people's legitimate weird laughs. legitimate as in they thought something was hilarious and laughed about it, as opposed to annoying fake laughs. but people can't help their laughs. it just bubbles up inside of you and comes out. (side note that isn't really a side not: i just looked up "burst" to see what it said and it gave this definition: to fly apart with sudden violence. that is awesome. and it perfectly describes my laughter.) so, i shouldn't make fun of people's laughs; i should go see what's so funny.

    speaking of funny, look at this hilarious picture, which was shown to me by nathan. maybe he didn't want his name associated with this picture. oh well.

    happy laughing!

    can you ever just be whelmed?

    i'm having that feeling right now where i can't focus my attention on any one thing for longer than about fifteen minutes. it's a problem. i have a lot to do.
    but, i do feel as if i am making some progress. i am moving past the lethargy and discomfort which has been the past three weeks of school. i can finally think about a thesis prospectus and focus on my classes and my teaching.
    i'm kind of satisfied with this at the moment. i am setting some goals so i can get everything done in a timely manner, but i'm not going to freak out (yet).

    Thursday, September 15, 2011

    on the reading of essays

    i'm in this creative nonfiction workshop right now, and it's pretty awesome. basically what i do for this class is read beautiful, thought-provoking essays that remind me how inconsequential and small i am.
    i read this essay yesterday (even though i knew i wouldn't be in class today due to my probable lumbar puncture--that shows you how much i like this class. i do the homework even when i skip class.) called "on the pleasure of taking up one's pen" by hilaire belloc. it is lovely, and it expresses my sentiments exactly:
    God bless you, pen! When I was a [girl], and they told me work was honourable, useful, cleanly, sanitary, wholesome, and necessary to the mind of man, I paid no more attention to them than if they had told me that public men were usually honest, or that pigs could fly. It seemed to me that they were merely saying silly things they had been told to say. Nor do I doubt to this day that those who told me these things at school were but preaching a dull and careless round. But now I know that the things they told me were true. God bless you, pen of work, pen of drudgery, pen of letters, pen of posings, pen rabid, pen ridiculous, pen glorified. Pray, little pen, be worthy of the love I bear you, and consider how noble I shall make you some day, when you shall live in a glass case with a crowd of tourists round you every day from 10 to 4; pen of justice, pen of the saeva indignatio, pen of majesty and of light. I will write with you some day a considerable poem; it is a compact between you and me. If I cannot make one of my own, then I will write out some other man’s; but you, pen, come what may, shall write out a good poem before you die, if it is only the Allegro.
     i love that. the pen really does matter. there are certain pens i am okay using, certain pens i will not use, and certain pens that i prefer, that give me just the right line weight and just the right curvature and just the right amount of ink color. for example, these days i use the papermate stainless steel barrel fine ballpoint pen. i love it.

    this is another reason why writing with paper and pen is preferable to typing. you don't have the pleasure of feeling the weight of the pen in your hand and seeing the ink flow from the tip at your will.

    it makes me want to write.

    Tuesday, September 13, 2011

    stretch of time

    this is definitely a two post day, since i have been neglecting my blog in favor of paying attention to my health and wallowing somewhat in misery. but now that i'm at least more back-to-normal than i have been of late, i feel okay about updating the little corner of the world that cares what i am up to.
    i was already feeling rather unmotivated about this semester, but once i started feeling sick/gross, most of my productivity went out the window. it's hard, because when you are sick you want to just lay around, but i had/have to deal with everything that accompanies the beginning of a new semester.
    anyway, maybe i should just record the haps for posterity, since i've also been neglecting my journal. the day before school started, i felt like my ears were plugged and i had a headache. at school, i felt even worse. i felt dizzy when i touched my face and added a feverishness to my symptoms.
    tuesday i mustered up the courage to go to the student health center, worried all the time that something was seriously wrong with me. everybody was telling me not to freak out, but it was hard to stay calm when i felt so bad. the nurse practitioner at the health center told me that a tube behind my eardrum was inflamed and prescribed me mucinex, which would hopefully cause the swelling to go down and gie me some relief.
    i gave it about four days before i pretty much gave up on the mucinex. i was still in almost constant pain and discomfort, and i still had to go to class and teach my two classes. i would have periods of time where i felt okay and could manage everything, but it always came back.
    on sunday, i felt okay to go to church, so i got ready and drove to campus where i would meet meredith, who was already up there. almost as soon as i walked in the building all of my symptoms resurfaced. i made it through relief society, but i would have been crying all through church after that. meredith and i went home after church and i received a blessing, which made me feel a lot better, at least emotionally, and we went to see dr. kelly, an ear, nose, and throat doctor who was also one of dad's companions. i was pretty convinced by then that my problems did not originate with my ears, but i wanted to keep making sure all of my bases were covered. he told me one of the most frustrating things, though:
    well, it's nothing obvious.
    i was hoing that he could just give me something to make it go away and let me get on with my life. but, he said that if things didn't get better, i should get a brain scan just to make sure nothing was wrong there, which is basically my biggest fear, because i know how brain tumors are. in the meantime, though, i realized that i was getting spots in my vision that made it especially hard to read. and...i have a lot of reading to do in my life. it's kind of the definition of an english major. and i just like to read anyway. so that made me freak out even more than i had already. it's one thing to have to go to school and work through some pain and discomfort; it's another thing to have to do it when i can barely see and read.
    after one scheduled mri fell through on tuesday, i finally made it to the hospital and the dreaded test on thursday. i was super nervous, because the mri is associated with scary things for me. and, since i wasn't feeling a lot better, i knew there was a chance something serious was going on with me. the scan itself was very weird. i knew if i opened my eyes at all i would have some kind of panic attack, so i kept my eyes shut tight no matter how much the crazy noises were bugging me. when the exam was over, the technician told me that the results would be sent to my doctor in one to wo business days. i was pretty devastated in that moment, because i felt like i kept getting held up by things and still not getting any real relief. luckily, the doctor got the results really quick and called mom: my brain looked totally normal. no brain tumor!! yay! that was good news, but it meant that i still didn't know what was going on wirh me, and i had to wait until tuesday (today) to meet with the opthamologist to see if this really was a problem with my eyes.
    on friday and saturday i was wearing my sunglasses most of the day because it just felt better. i wore them in walmart and felt like a dork, one of those ridiculous people who wears sgs indoors. but i realized that i shouldn't mock those people anymore, because maybe they have eye conditions haha.
    today i finally met with dr. davis, who is another of dad's mission companions and the opthamologist who first thought 'brain tumor', so i was nervous once again. it was pretty clear that there is a problem with my vision. when the assistant asked me to read the euye chart, there was a dark spot over half of it in my right eye. when dr. davis looked at my eyes, he found that my optic nerves are swollen, which would usually indicate some kind of growth. since i already had a clean brain scan, though, the doctor thinks that maybe i have a pseudo-tumor caused by who knows what. so the next step is seeing a neurologist and having a lumbar puncture aka spinal tap. it's still frustrating, because there's nothing i can do right now to feel better and be able to see clearly, so i'm in the same place, though the rest of my pain and discomfort is gone, for the most part.
    though the past two and a half weeks have been fairly miserable, i am grateful to have my family close and parents who are willing to ferry me around so we can get to the bottom of this. i'm also grateful for the knowledge i have of the gospel and of my heavenly father. i know that, no matter what's going on and what's happening with me, everything's going to be okay. hopefully all of this gets sorted out soon, but i'm going to be okay. and maybe that's what i am supposed to be learning.
    so, onward.

    sports fan

    i wouldn't necessarily call myself a sporty person. a sports enthusiast, maybe, but not really a sports lover. i don't really have teams that i follow (besides byu, and even then it's only football and basketball--i couldn't tell you how the baseball team did this season), i don't watch espn regularly, i can't recite stats.
    but i'm also not anti-sports. if someone is watching a game i'm semi-interested in (and nothing else that i have to watch is on), then i'll probably pay attention and get into it. i know how most sports work and understand the rules. i might not be able to predict a call before it's announced, but i can usually tell you what it means. i like going to games and getting behind a team. it's just fun. i've never missed a home football game in five years at byu, but i also have a confession: i typically don't watch away games. gasp, i know.
    my dad and brother, however, are really into sports. they pretty much watch anything except for maybe nascar and boxing. i go to them when i want to know what exactly it means that byu went independent or how the nba draft works or who the newest jazz player is.
    so, i guess what i'm getting around to with this discourse is that it would probably be better if the guy i eventually bring into my family has at least some working knowledge of sports. or maybe just an interest, or a willingness to be interested.
    i was thinking about some of the guys i've liked in the past and how they probably wouldn't have really fit into my family because they really didn't care about sports at all. liking sports isn't everything, obviously, but it's something.
    anyway, this post ended up being kind of inconsequential, as much of life is. but, at least it's out there now and maybe i'll remember not to like guys who hate sports in the future.
    and, now that is finally football season and yesterday i got our first tickets in my inbox, i am beginning to feel the excitement that comes with this time of year, and that is something i need, especially after the couple weeks i've had. go cougs!

    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    sick days

    so, i've already been feeling strangely apprehensive about this new fall semester. i knew things were going to be changing a little bit, and i have this pressure to be figuring out what i'm writing my thesis on, and i need to get this paper ready for the conference in a month, and the ward is all new, and whatever else. the last thing i needed was to get sick the weekend before school started.

    but, of course, that's exactly what happened. and it isn't even like a regular cold that you just live through with the help of nasal spray and nyquil. no, this is some weird thing that makes me feel like my ears are plugged and like i'm going to fall over and like my head is going to explode. it is worst when i'm sitting in class not moving, which isn't good, since school is kind of something i have to be doing right now.

    thankfully, yesterday dad happened to be coming down to provo so he could take me to the health center, a place i have never visited in my previous five years at byu. i got some medicine, which seems to be working, slowly but surely, so i feel i am on the road to recovery and renewed motivation.

    for some reason, starting school again is almost always associated, at least for me, with being sick. it has happened to me multiple times! maybe this is just the universe telling me that i need to be done with school ASAP. could be.

    Tuesday, August 23, 2011


    i've talked about this before--sometimes i get down. i start feeling like i can't do it all and that i'm not good enough to do the things i want to do.

    but then...

    pretty much without fail, i get a little reminder that i actually have it pretty good and that i'm not alone in this thing called life. i can do it, and i am pretty awesome.

    this last sunday was one of those reminder days. all of the meetings taught me things that i've been needing to brush up on, then i went to a fireside where a prophet spoke as if directly to me and i realized that i don't need to be afraid of the future, and later we had our customary father's blessings to open the school year. it was a great day.

    i also had another realization: i focus too much on people and what they are doing, whether it be people i know or people i don't. obviously, it is good to care about people and be interested in their lives, but i remembered a quote that i've heard a few times.

    so, if i want to cultivate a great mind (and i do. want to cultivate a great mind, that is.), i need to talk more about ideas and less about people. so i'm counting that as one of my goals for this next stretch of time.

    Monday, August 15, 2011

    a week in bullets

    this has been a busy week, but i don't really want to write a huge post now, so here's a quick update.
    • wednesday was my final--at 7am. it was early, but donuts and the fallon/colbert "friday" lifted our spirits a little. 
    • on thursday i went to park city for nassr. it was fun to go to a real, big time conference and see what it is like to hobnob with some star scholars. and i went to a panel called "austen's social media." awesome. 
    • friday we met up with carolyn and rosie for lunch and a movie in draper. zupas was delicious as usual, and the help was pretty great. i love emma stone, and i really, really want this dress. 
    •  after the movie we three went to ikea, where i found more things that i adore: a new rug, a lamp for the living room, more napkins, and a lovely toile closet organizer. all in all a successful and satisfying day. and that night we went to pei wei and played nerts until we couldn't stand it.
    • saturday we slept in and then went back to park city to shop at the outlets. i love the outlets. never a disappointment. except, there were a ton of people there, which put mom in a bad mood pretty quick. still fun though. 
    • yesterday we had a lesson on the law of chastity that didn't prompt any disgruntled feelings. and we played nerts again and watched the singles ward, which is always good for a few laughs, especially at the early-aughts-era clothes (look at this shirt--red sateen with metallic flames? yikes.).
    • then, today, i woke up when bergen was calling me to come eat crepes. so i did. nutella, cinnamon sugar, whipped cream, peanut butter--a great way to start the day. 
    so there you have it. a week filled with family, food, and flibbertigibbets. okay, not really that last thing, but i just saw it on and wanted to use it.

    Wednesday, August 10, 2011

    scenes that make me smile: part one

    yesterday i went into the jfsb to check my box, and i obviously called for the elevator since i don't walk up four stories worth of stairs. anyway, when the elevator car arrived, i was surprised to see a side table, two little leather ottomans, and what i assume was a full italian dinner laid out in tupperware. i think it was italian because of the tell-tale green container of parmesan cheese. oh, and there was also a bottle of martinelli's. the best thing, though, was that no one was sitting at this little table of love--it was just riding up and down.

    i didn't see the two lovebirds who were going to share this lovely elevator meal, but i got a chuckle out of it. and i hope they had fun riding on the elevator most likely picking up passengers every so often.

    side note: this is the second date i've come upon in a jfsb elevator. just another one of those "original" byu dates i guess :)

    Thursday, August 4, 2011

    a little dose of female empowerment

    yesterday i was following links around the internet, as i often do, and i came across one blog post that was based on another article in the huffington post. they both addressed the issue of how we talk to little girls, which is something i haven't thought about lately. i recommend both pieces; they are both well-written and enlightening.

    anyway, if you don't want to take the time to read both articles, they talk about how our first urge, when we meet or see a little girl, is to compliment her on her outfit or her hairstyle or her general adorableness. because they really are really cute, and this is the way we have been taught to talk to little girls. what does a compliment based on appearance teach about the things we value, though?

    instead, we should focus on actually talking with little girls, asking them about their ideas and feelings. like "what books do you like?" or "what is your favorite thing to do with your dad?" or "what games do you like to play?" even just thinking about questions, it was hard for me to come up with a couple that didn't focus on clothes or hair. those seem like the most natural things to talk about. but like lisa bloom says in her article, it is important to "model for her what a thinking woman says and does." and maybe if we show these little girls that their opinions, not just their looks, matter, we can start to change things.

    as i was reading these, i thought about the last time i talked to a little girl. i think it was my zumba instructor's daughter, when she was at our class last week. and, even though she is completely adorable, i'm pretty sure our brief conversation was about her dance hobby. i didn't get to talk to her for very long, but i was still surprised how much she had to say.

    i'm going to be more aware of this from now on, and i invite you all to do the same. we have too many other problems in the world for beautiful, smart, amazing little girls to be feeling insecure about the way they look or whether they are worth anything. and substantial conversations with little girls are pretty great. so go out and talk to a little girl today :)

    and here's a classic video of a little girl who clearly knows how awesome she is.

    Tuesday, August 2, 2011

    a recommitment to summer fun

    i kind of feel like this summer has gotten away from me. i had all these big plans of things i was going to do, and i'm not sure i really did any of them. i've pretty much been here in provo all summer long, which is bumming me out.

    so, i am determined to make these next few weeks before school starts back up again really great. i want to have fun and get out of the house and have parties and make stuff and read and swim and just generally lap up the last days of summer freedom. winter in utah comes way too fast, and i want to be able to say that i made the most of summer, at least for a little while.

    so, here i go. if anybody wants to help me out with having an awesome three week summer, they are welcome to.

    Saturday, July 30, 2011

    a shrine to my former shrine

    when i was younger, i, like many tween/teen girls, was rather boy crazy. (who am i kidding, really? i'm still pretty boy crazy.) i have had crushes on many boys who were actually in my life, like the one who in kindergarten slammed my face into the ground or the one in my ward who i swooned over every time he blessed the sacrament or came to home teach. but i, like many tween/teen girls, have also had many celebrity crushes. and i put their pictures on the wall above my bed so they would be near me always.

    i got nostalgic for those good ol' days of shrine-making and magazine-hoarding when i was listening to the new incubus album last weekend. lead singer brandon boyd was on my wall, and i still think he is very attractive. and i love his voice and his music. he writes lyrics like "i dig my toes into the sand/the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket/ i lean against the wind/pretend that i am weightless/ and in this moment i am happy." listening to him the other day took me back to the days when i would listen to morning view and pretend i met the band and he fell in love with me. does that sound a little crazy? possibly. anyway, this was one of the swoon-worthy pictures taped to my wall.

    anyone remember the magazine ym? i forgot about it until today.

    also this one.

    whew. love that guy. and apparently he likes to go shirtless. sorry about that, guys. so anyway, thinking about brandon boyd reminded me of all the other unreachables who made my wall. there was tom welling, of smallville fame.

    heath ledger in the poster for a knight's tale. i ripped this out of a magazine and put it up on my wall.

    what girl growing up in the 90s didn't have a huge thing for jtt? i sure did. i ate up those teen magazines like tiger beat if only for the full size posters of him and devon sawa. and i'm pretty certain that this ad graced my wall at some point. that hair!

    of course, hanson. and, though i loved them even when they had long, somewhat-greasy-looking hair, i loved them even more when they cut their hair and started dressing with some style. i had many a late night, dancing and singing in front of my mirror, pretending i went to one of their concerts and they saw me and i joined the band and eventually zac fell for me.

    i don't put pictures of hot celebrities on my wall anymore, maybe because i don't spend quite so much time thinking about hot celebrities anymore. times were simpler then.