self-discipline

i set some very specific goals for myself this week, like going to bed at a reasonable time and waking up early and not eating out or eating treats (it turns out that not having ice cream means i just want something else to satisfy my sweet tooth...go figure). they are more specific than this, but the details don't really matter.

anyway, the point is that i haven't been perfect, but i've been pretty good. and i feel good about it. i feel good about myself for making some progress in the realm of self-discipline.

i've had elder maxwell's article, "becoming a disciple," in mind for a few months now. his words are the inspiration for my zest for self-discipline (long quote, but worth it):

     Denying oneself has never been popular as a lifestyle, and it is clearly not today. Self-denial is portrayed by many as too puritanical and too ascetic. Scoffers have acquired powerful pulpits from which they bray their message, which constantly puts down discipleship and encourages the natural man to think highly of himself and to please himself.

     What is it that we are to deny ourselves? The ascendancy of any appetites or actions which produce not only the seven deadly sins but all the others. Happily, self-denial, when we practice it, brings great relief. It represents emancipation from all the “morning after” feelings, whether caused by adultery or gluttony. Being concerned with tomorrow, true disciples are very careful about today! Self denial also includes not letting our hearts become too set on any trivial or worldly thing. Then we can learn the great lessons about the relationship of righteousness to the powers and the joys of heaven.

     The fundamental fact is that if we do not deny ourselves, we are diverted. Even if not wholly consumed with the things of the world, we are still diverted sufficiently to make serious discipleship impossible. As a consequence, all the gifts and talents God has given us are not put meekly on the altar to serve others and to please God. Instead, we withhold to please ourselves. Diversion, therefore, is not necessarily gross transgression, but it is a genuine deprivation, especially if we consider what we might have become and what more we might have done to bless and to help others.

though i have problems and temptations to deal with, i don't think i have huge issues with some of the things he mentions here. but i love that bolded line. the fact is, i am diverted from my true purposes a lot of the time, spiritual, educational, professional, social, physical. so i'm practicing self-denial for those things that do challenge me.

recent weird things

1. i keep a grateful journal, where, everyday, i write down five things i'm grateful for that day. for the most part, they are pretty standard: my family, interaction with that boy i like, a good hair day, some great meal, the scriptures. you know, the ushe (i looked this up--how do you spell the abbreviation of "usual"? i was going to write "youge" pronounced like "rouge," but then it looked weird. so that's that.).

as i was rereading my journal at the end of the year, i found this entry for november 13, 2012:

6. studying about the hot air balloon.

?????????????????????????????????????????????? i have no idea what this means. i don't recall studying the hot air balloon, ever, and i don't think i could tell you one fact about them that i didn't know four months ago. i can't think of a fact about hot air balloons as it is. but it's written in my handwriting, so either that part of my brain was somehow surgically removed, or i'm a sleep-writer, which is actually pretty likely.

2. a couple weeks ago, either right before or right after the oscars, i had a dream that daniel day-lewis was my professor for a british lit class at byu. it was totally awesome, obviously, but even more awesome because he really liked me. at the end of class, he asked me if i was taking his class the next semester, but i didn't know for sure, because i was supposed to be graduating and defending my thesis (that figures prominently into my subconscious, typically). he said, well, i hope you do take my class, because i'm a fan. so, dream-daniel day-lewis is a fan of me. i told one of my friends this and he said, well, why wouldn't he be?

3. on monday, i was driving to zumba, and i was passing the brick oven, when all of a sudden, this guy was darting in and out of traffic, like, in the way. he almost got hit. i could see that he was a brick oven employee, and he was crossing the street to the employee parking lot. well, i look at his face as he darts in front of me, and it's someone i know--a former home teacher who has the distinction of being one of the most awkward people i have ever met. and then i started laughing hysterically, because if anyone would frantically run across the street in front of a bunch of cars, it would be this guy.

okay, that's about all i can think of right now, that is, aside from the many weird facts that i have already shared here previously.

and, because i didn't have a blog when i was a sophomore in college (how i wish i had), here's a pic of me acting like i didn't have eyebrows. throwback wednesday, if you will.

i was so young then.

writer's block

there are days when i feel an urgency to write--to post something on my blog or fill a page in my journal. there are days when i have so many things to say and document that it seems like there isn't enough time to get it all down.

but sometimes, even when i want to write, i can't. i can't think of anything to say.

that happened to me yesterday. it was almost like i wasn't even thinking anything, or at least not anything that i felt like recording.

then, like magic, all of a sudden i had a hundred ideas. nothing groundbreaking, probably, but something--something to put out there, something to express. something to show what i'm thinking, or that i'm even thinking at all.

writer's block is the worst.

brave again

this is a random post, but it's what i'm thinking about today, so there you go.

this afternoon i finally watched brave again. i saw it for the first time over the summer at the drive-in. a word about seeing movies at the drive-in: it's more about the experience/atmosphere than the actual movie. i also saw the avengers at the drive-in last summer, and it's hard to really pay attention when you're in the back of a suburban with 6 other people. i don't remember anything about that movie. with brave, i somehow totally missed the parade of bare animated bums in the middle of the movie, which definitely got a laugh the second time around.

i also missed a lot of the artistry at the drive-in. merida's hair is SO awesome in the movie. hair is one of the things pixar does best, in my opinion :) in fact, this picture is from an article all about merida's hair--apparently, it took pixar experts three years to figure out how to engineer natural-looking curly hair. sweet! and people kept telling me that her mom's facial expressions as a bear were really awesome, but i couldn't tell until i watched up close.

and i was critical of the story the first time. i still wouldn't say that brave is my top disney/pixar, but is a pretty cool movie nonetheless, so different from other pixar movies and other princess movies. it's a definite departure from the model to not end a princess story with a marriage/betrothal. instead, the focus is on merida's relationship with her mother and her own independence.

so, basically, i like this movie a lot more than i thought i did. now i need to see the avengers again :)

in other news, tomorrow i'm going to a charter school fair--nerve-racking! i'm hoping to get some good information and experience more than anything else, but it would be great to get some things moving on the job front. so we'll see. if nothing else, i at least know i'm going to eat a good dinner tomorrow night when i have my birthday diner with mom and dad--i think it's going to be a steak kind of night. whatever that means?

for times of trouble

this post is a long time coming. i started it way back in december and then didn't want to bum people out, so i put it on the back burner. but here it finally is: some thoughts about dealing with adversity. 

a couple weeks ago i taught my last institute lesson, on the topic of adversity. that happens to be something i think a lot about anyway, so i was kind of excited to put together all of my favorite quotes and scriptures. my two main mantras for my college years: 1) "i can do hard things" and 2) "things will work out".

also, this picture is awesome. he's so happy!

the sunday before my lesson, driving home from salt lake and listening to soft sunday sounds, i heard an ad for elder holland's new book, for times of trouble. perfect, i thought. this is exactly what i need (for my lesson and for life :)) so i headed to deseret book and forked out the money for the book, and people, it's amazing. he approaches the topic through the psalms, and i can't believe i've never studied them more closely. they are so beautiful. and elder holland is such an incredible thinker and writer anyway, so i'm learning a lot. i just wanted to share a few thoughts from the book today. and as i was reading through again to find what i wanted, almost every page had something awesome to think about. this is only the tip of the iceberg.

psalm 56:9: "whenever we go out and always when we come in, no matter what the trouble and trial of the day might be, we start ad finish with the eternal truth that God is for us. He loves us. He is our Heavenly Father. He never sleeps nor slumbers in His watchcare over us. His work and His glory are to save us, to exalt us, to see us safely home with Him."

psalms 19:1-3; 8:3-6: "by name, place, and personal circumstance God knows us and our needs. He knows our hopes and dreams and He knows our fears and frustrations. Above all, He knows who we really are and what we can become through faith in Him."

psalm 27:4-5: "when a difficult moment comes or an important decision faces us, we instinctively go to the temple. we find peace there and we find answers. it is the setting for tranquility, purity, and revelation. the tangled complexities of life fall away and the path we should walk or the action we should take--or just the safety and peace we desperately seek--becomes clear. the temple truly is a rock upon which God sets us when the winds and the waves are strongest."

psalms 30:5; 42:5; 130:6: "all of us need to believe that things will get better. no matter how dark the night or how long the struggle, we all need to believe that the dawn will come and that the tears of the night will be dried in the rays of the morning sun."

there are so many more gems i could share, but who knows what the plagiarism laws are for this kind of thing--don't want to get in trouble with the church! also, you should all read elder holland's book anyway. can't you just hear him saying all of these things? i know i'm always in need of comfort in the face of various trials, and elder holland's words have brought me some peace.

25 things to do while i'm 25

i'm stealing this idea from c.jane, who was a lot more detailed and specific in her list. but these are some things i hope to do this year. 

1. save enough for a big purchase (car? new computer?)
2. go on a spontaneous trip
3. go to an avett brothers concert
4. get a big girl job
5. learn to sew
6. start learning a language
7. receive a master's degree
8. go somewhere i've never been
9. west coast road trip
10. record something
11. go to the temple
12. publish something
13. learn to ride a bike...i guess
14. consolidate
15. read the standard works
16. go to a fancy party
17. family reunion--aspen grove 2013!!
18. read classic novels--i've got a running list
19. read c.s. lewis
20. make a piece of art to put in my house
21. eat something new every month--let's face it; i go to the same places and eat the same things. i need some variety up in here.
22. write and send a letter at least once a month
23. hike the Y
24. go legit camping
25. choreograph a song for zumba

and there you have it.

thoughts on saturday

first of all, it's 45 degrees right now. whenever i write "degrees," i always want to say "dees-grees," like rick dees, the legendary dj, because i used to listen to "rick dees and the weekly top 40" on kiis fm every saturday when i was growing up. those were the days. but i digress. this time of the year is one of my favorites, when it is just starting to warm up and you don't have to wear a coat but it is still breezy and a little chilly so you aren't sweaty and hot. probably it will get cold again before spring really hits, but i'm going with the sun for now.

last night, i went to smith's for some provisions (read: cpk pizza and trix cereal). the provo smith's on a weekend night is always an adventure. as i was walking out, a girl and a guy were walking in. the girl veered toward me and said, "oh, your hair is so thick. it's so pretty." and then walked away. it was really weird and really funny at the same time.

this is a cool essay, because 1) the author ghost-wrote a ton of Sweet Valley High books, which, how awesome is that? and 2) she captures exactly how i feel about graduate school sometimes all the time:

How different were any of us, despite our attenuated lives as graduate students, from anybody else? The darkest of dark secrets: how much I hadn’t read, and didn’t know. How little I felt I had to say that was different, or new, or mattered.
Your task, my thesis advisor in Oxford told my tutorial partner and me, is to be original. Your thesis won’t pass otherwise.
I haunted the bookshops, certain my argument had already been written. Afraid to ask him: is original the same thing as different? As important, or relevant, or even good?

people should watch alias. it's so great. i just finished the fourth season, and i think it might be my favorite. and jennifer garner is awesome, you guys. i'm grateful argo was nominated for stuff this year, only because it meant jennifer garner went places looking amazing.

see what i mean?

and, finally, we heard this song at the cougarettes concert and we've been obsessed with it since then. when i saw the show the second time, i decided the dance to this song was my favorite. (couldn't get the real video to play, so you have to look at teen wolf, apparently.)

have a great weekend!