Sunday, October 20, 2013

mixed feelings

tomorrow, i start my new job. i haven't really been in denial about my nervousness--it just makes sense that, when you start something new, there will be a learning curve. i'm not nervous about that, the actual job part, because i know i'm a capable person and i can do hard things. but i am a little nervous about how much my life is going to change. don't get me wrong--i want to be working and doing fulfilling things with my time. but this is a pretty big change. i'll be meeting a lot of new people, working in a new field, spending the majority of my waking hours in a new and foreign place, adjusting to a new schedule and new rules (like, remember how now i can't have spontaneous vacations? not that i ever really do anyway, was nice having the option, i guess). it's a lot to figure out.

i hope this doesn't sound whiny. i'm excited to be moving on to this new phase, excited to be meeting these new people, working in a new field, getting to know this new place and new schedule and new rules. but it's also scary to leave that old phase behind, you know? i'll see pictures on instagram of people who are in provo and that feels like a different world. it was only two months ago that i was there, my home of seven years! but now i'm like, why are they still in provo? nothing against provo, obviously, but it seems like everyone else should be moving along with me, but then i realize that, no, i'm kind of on my own here. maybe that's why it's scary. even though i'm at home, with my family, this new job is something that is just mine, just for me to navigate.

but i guess that's all a part of growing up, right?

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