so obviously i'm thinking a lot about love. although, living in provo, it sometimes seems like love is a constant topic of discussion and thought, which makes valentine's day not that unique, really. but anyway, love.
i think i've been in love, but i'm not sure. at least, i thought it was love at the time. like i only really felt complete when i was with that person, and every time i was away from them it physically hurt. i wanted to do things to make the person happy, and i wanted him to see that i needed him in order to be truly happy. i think that's kinda like love.
but the catch is that i don't think anyone has ever been in love with me or loved me back. no one that i know of, in any case. for the most part, i'm fine with that. i've realized that most of the guys i've loved weren't "the one", whatever that means. but still, i put sooooooo much work into trying to be lovable/loving the person that every time i realize they don't think of me that way, i'm heartbroken. another wasted effort.
last night i was talking to one of my really good friends, and we were discussing this issue. i was complaining about how ridiculous it is that there is such crazy pressure to date and get married here, and i'm not even 23. i was saying that i just want to fast forward my life to when i'm married and have a family, if only so i know that i will be married someday. and this sweet 19 year old boy said to me, "you're going to get married, so just stop worrying about it. this is the time to enjoy your life."
i know that's true--i just need to be reminded every once in awhile. life isn't just dating; if i focus on making my life the best it can be, everything else will just fall in to place. i don't need to be dating someone to be happy.
that being said, happy valentine's day, whether you have someone or not. i'm looking forward to spending tonight with great friends, laughing and eating and writing bad love poetry.
here's an awesome quote from one of my favorite talks, president uchtdorf's 2009 ces fireside address called "the reflection in the water":
Sometimes it can be difficult to see anything beyond the path immediately before us. We are impatient and do not want to wait for a future fulfillment of our greatest desires. Nevertheless, the brief span of this life is nothing in comparison with eternity. And if only we can hope and exercise faith and joyfully endure to the end—and I say joyfully endure to the end—there, in that great heavenly future, we will have the fulfillment of the righteous desires of our hearts and so very much more that we can scarcely comprehend now.
In the meantime, do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second-guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective. Instead, seek to reach your potential as a child of God. Seek learning. Become engaged in a meaningful career, and seek fulfillment in service to others. Use your time, your talents, and your resources to improve yourself and bless those around you. All of this is part of your preparation for having a family. Immerse yourself in your ward or branch and seek to magnify your callings, no matter what they may be.
The great purpose of this mortal existence is to learn to fully love our Heavenly Father and our neighbor as ourselves. If we do this with all our might, mind, and strength, our eternal destiny will be glorious and grand beyond our capacity to imagine. Be faithful, and things will work out for you. That is His eternal promise to all who love and honor Him.