Wednesday, March 21, 2012

still thinking about love

let's just say that love and relationships have been on my mind in recent days.

okay, let's just say that love and relationships have been on my mind in recent years. who am i trying to kid?

but the conversations around these parts have focused even more on the nuances and challenges of love within the past week or so, which means there is even more opportunity for me to reflect on such matters. here are some of my observations, some of which i knew before but have just hit home again:

it's all about the timing. this is true whether you are currently between relationships, currently in a relationship, or have never been in a relationship. sometimes people are totally right for each other, but the timing just isn't right yet. sometimes all the stars need to align in just the right order for you to find the one person who will make you completely and incandescently happy for eternity--right place, right time, right version of yourself.

communication is key. i, for the most part, am terrified of confrontation. last week i was going to ask someone a question, not even about me, that would have put both of us in kind of an awkward situation depending on the answer, and i was paralyzed by anxiety. that stuff freaks me out. but, in order for relationships to be healthy, you have to address hard issues or things that just plain bug you. i know from experience that bottling things up and letting them fester never leads to a good outcome. in fact, it often leads to hurt feelings or, at the worst, broken/ruined relationships, which isn't really the legacy i want to be leaving. so, it's important to buck up and face the issues head on. we blow things out of proportion in our minds; they are almost never as severe as we have built them up to be. open discussion of feelings and perceptions, though difficult, is absolutely necessary.

some guys give insightful, useful advice about love and relationships. some guys don't. maybe this says more about me and the kind of guy i want to end up with (meaning, maybe the guys who give the most insightful advice are the ones i should be focusing my attentions on...). but i'm learning how valuable it can be to have guy friends who take these sorts of things seriously and who genuinely care about making things a little easier for girls. i mean, i feel the same way about guys--it's hard enough to find someone you can be with forever without factoring in that we think about things in completely different ways. we might as well help each other out!

we're probably all a little bit screwed up. we could all probably use some good heart-to-hearts about our feelings and insecurities and anxieties every so often. this might even include some tears. or many, many tears.

the more i think about it, the more it makes sense to date your friends. i've never believed in the limiting influence of the friend zone, and i discredit it even more now. why wouldn't you want to marry somebody with whom you already know you want to be on a daily basis? someone who is cool enough to go with you to a haunted insane asylum on friday the 13th (this is purely hypothetical...)? someone who knew you better than anyone else before you added the pressure of a romantic relationship? date your friends--if you don't marry one of them, you're not going to be friends with them for long anyway. you don't hang out with people of the opposite sex once you're married, because that's not cool. why risk your eternal relationship for one that might not last another year anyway?

you gotta have faith. enough said.

and, finally, even though love hurts, love bites, love is cruel, love is worth it. what's not worth it is being afraid to get hurt and so not taking risks and not being patient and not trusting in THE PLAN and not being happy.

that's what i think anyway.

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