melancholia

do you ever just feel like there is something a little off? you aren't really unhappy, but you aren't really happy either. i'm feeling like that lately. i guess it is unrealistic to think that life is going to be one extreme or the other all the time; i probably wouldn't actually want it to be like that. but i feel like i need to do something to snap out of this slump.

i think what i probably need to do is quit thinking about how weird i feel and get out in the world and do something worthwhile, like serve people in need or do some yardwork or...something. i'm all for introspection and bettering yourself from the inside out, but sometimes i think i spend too much time inside my own head. i'm alone with myself and my own thoughts for so long that i get discouraged by all of the things i haven't done or all the ways i fall short. i worry about those things so much that i'm not actually doing anything.

so, i think i need to get out of myself in order to be happier and more satisfied with life. because, in reality, i have it pretty good. i have two good jobs, one doing the thing i love, a nice apartment, an awesome family, good friends, a testimony of the restored gospel, many talents, a comfy bed, and two floppy straw hats. i have a lot to be grateful for and not a lot to be ungrateful for.

i've been feeling lately like i really truly want to teach high school. i'm not sure what i need to do at this point to make that happen, but i'm going to find out. i thought that ship had sailed and i had embarked on a new career path, but maybe not. i'm kind of excited about it though. in the meantime, i'll take any teaching experience i can get. i still can't believe how little sleep i got last night in anticipation for today's eight'o'clock class. i definitely got up on time, but i was totally exhausted. i think my spiffy and stylish powerpoint and dorky anecdotes really won them over :)